


We Almost Made It

by dauntlesscandor



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Alternate Universe, Before the events of Divergent, Broken Families, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Minor Character Death, POV Multiple, Some Fluff, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-03-30 12:55:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3937597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dauntlesscandor/pseuds/dauntlesscandor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalie is a new transfer from Candor to Dauntless along with Eric Coulter and Tobias Eaton. After receiving an inconclusive result on her aptitude test she decided to abandon her home faction and her family in order to find herself. However life in Dauntless is nothing as she had initially anticipated and her then-forbidden now-allowed relationship with Eric suffers greatly. How will she manage to survive the rough initiation? Will she make it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Choosing Ceremony

**Author's Note:**

> So the first chapter is going to have few of the events that took place in Divergent. But later on, it's totally different! I hope you enjoy this and please do tell me what you think!
> 
> Happy reading!

 

My entire life has been directed by what my family wanted from me and me not wanting to end up like them. I was rushing through my teenage years not realizing that it was the moment for me to feel free, enjoy my life and discover myself.

Being born into Candor wasn’t easy. It was a comfortable home, no doubt, and since the young age everybody was open to all the possibilities that the society offered, much like Erudite. However my family was far from perfect. At the age of thirteen, my brother and I were taken away from our parents for their lack of care for us. Candor had strict rules about their children’s well-being and they always made sure every child had equal opportunities. Luckily we both ended up in the same home – a home of a family friend who also happened to be the Candor leader. Jack Kang loved us as if we were his own and he always made sure we had everything we needed.

That was exactly why I felt like I failed him.

When my name was called out by the Abnegation leader to make the decision of my life, I knew what my choice would be. I glanced at my father who, standing next to other faction leaders, gave me an approving nod knowing what I was asking for. I hesitated for a long moment. Then I stood up and slowly made my way to the five bowls prepared for the choosing ceremony. I looked at Marcus Eaton standing in front of me in his grey clothes and gesturing around the table for me to choose. His face was almost white and he was clearly angered. His son transferring obviously wasn't something he was prepared for. Especially given the fact he was a leader himself and it placed him in a bad light considering the recent accusations directed at him. Maybe they were all true and that was the reason for the young Eaton to leave his father...

Well, I was about to do the same thing to my father. And no, he wasn't abusive. To describe him as loving would be an understatement. Even though he wasn't my biological father I felt a connection with him that couldn't be forged. And yet I was abandoning him...

To keep the thoughts away, I quickly took the knife and made a shallow cut on my palm with no hesitation. I took a deep breath and in order to avoid my thoughts drifting into “what if” mode, I quickly placed my hand over the representation of the faction I chose and let a single blood drop fall on the solid rocks.

“Dauntless!”

The cheering surrounded the room but my body felt numb. Instinctively I moved trying to reach the Dauntless and make room for another person. I looked up at my father who looked devastated but gave me an encouraging smile nonetheless. He was alone now and I felt at fault. My brother transferring to Erudite, me to Dauntless... I was worried about him.

My thoughts were soon interrupted again by someone from my new home grabbing my arm and saying something along the lines of 'congrats, welcome'. I nodded without looking at the person that was addressing me however the grip on my arm didn't loosen therefore I had look up. I felt dizzy when my eyes reached the face that was grinning down at me. Partially I felt relieved knowing I would have a familiar face with me in an unknown place but the other side, the cowardly one, kept telling me it was going to be a horrible experience.

Eric kept his grey eyes focused on me. They contrasted nicely with the colour of his Erudite blue clothing but I was convinced that the Dauntless black would suit his personality much better. He was never a good fit for Erudite. He was indeed the most intelligent in our year and no doubt would have made it to the top quickly but there was something about him that made him non-Erudite-like. He had passion and, as much as the Erudite upbringing allowed him, strength.

Unlike me.

I chose Dauntless in the heat of a moment, without thinking clearly. My life was a mess and I couldn't make sense of it. I was fighting with my own demons and perhaps that was exactly why I felt joining Dauntless would help. I wasn’t, however, prepared for what was about to come and my fears started to show up. I knew that the initiation process in Dauntless is exhausting since I had plenty of contact with other Dauntless kids in the school. As a part of Candor youth, you get to know all of the factions, unlike Abnegation teenagers who are usually kept well-guarded from other factions.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t notice that the choosing ceremony was over and each faction was going back to their respective homes. I gave my father a final look and a warm smile which he returned and I quickly joined my new family who was already running faster than I could ever hope for myself.

Somehow, in that moment, all my fears left me. I felt free, almost as if I could do anything I wanted. I ran faster than I ever imagined I could in spite of my ankle boots being in the way. My short black dress was jumping up and down as I was running but I didn’t bother. I was happy.

Of course, my happiness was suddenly interrupted when I noticed the next step of getting to my new home. The Dauntless-born initiates had no problem with following our leader but the transfers like me… well, I just hoped that I wouldn’t die. The idea was to climb onto the train railways that ran through the entire city and jump onto the moving train. I laughed bitterly in my own head. _Here comes the death,_ I thought.

I took a deep breath and started climbing when I realised that most of the initiates were already running to jump onto the train. I knew very well what would happen if I missed it - I’d be Factionless.

Much to my surprise, I managed to get on top of the station and joined in to the run. Our leader, whose name I didn’t know yet, jumped on the train first and opened the door for us. Most of the transfers had no trouble with getting on the train, including a girl from Amity that looked awfully tiny yet she was probably stronger than I was. Suddenly I realised I was the only one left and I sped up in terror. I got as close to the door as I possibly could, took a deep breath and grabbed the handle. Pulling myself up wasn’t as difficult as I had imagined and I managed to land on the train floor with a loud gasp.

“Well, that was something, Natalie, I truly admire,” I heard someone say. I looked up to see my mocker’s face. _Obviously,_ I thought. Steve was never fond of me, even when we were back in Candor. The brown haired boy and I always argued and bickered which made our teachers annoyed but we simply couldn’t help it. I was in shock seeing him transfer. I expected him to remain in Candor just like all the members of his family. Apparently everybody had their own monsters…

Instead of replying and starting an argument on my first day in new home I simply shook my head and stood up. I brushed the dust off my black dress and smoothed my hair in hopes of not looking like I was possessed by a demon by the time we got to wherever we were supposed to. I moved closer to the exit so that I could see the beautiful surroundings that I was never able to admire in Candor. Only Dauntless were allowed to travel via trains. Now I got to do that as well.

I looked down at the roof of a building that the train was approaching and unexpectedly I noticed few Dauntless jump on top of it. My eyes widened in surprise and, also, scare. “They're jumping,” I informed everyone in the compartment sounding slightly confused and worried.

“What?” asked the small Amity girl standing up and looking outside as well.

Dauntless-born initiates were jumping from the moving train onto the rooftop of what appeared to be some abandoned building. I swallowed hard knowing very well I would break every single bone in my body trying to make that jump.

“Well, Miles, Natalie, Susan,” I heard Steve say again, “good luck to you. Hope you make it... or not,” and after these words he took a huge jump and few second later landed on the rooftop hissing loudly.

More people followed after him, few of them falling to their deaths which was something I had hopes of not seeing that soon. I stood there paralysed knowing that I only had few more seconds left to make that jump. Someone's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Hey!” I looked at the person calling me. “I'm pretty sure we should jump.”

It was the Abnegation boy, the only transfer from his faction. He was good-looking and tall with his blond hair shinning in the sun. I nodded unconvinced and he nodded back. I looked around the compartment to see if anyone else stayed behind and my eyes couldn't believe who I noticed.

Eric was standing next to the exit from the train giving me a concerned look. He raised his eyebrow at me. “We really _should_ jump.”

“I know, I know,” I breathed and smoothed my black dress again not really knowing why. I moved to the back of the compartment and the two boys followed after me ready to jump. I looked at both of them looking for support and trying to give them some which they clearly understood.

“On three,” Eric proclaimed. Me and Tobias took a deep breath and nodded in synchronisation. “One, two, three!”

The three of us made a big jump and my heart froze in the exact moment my feet left the floor of the train. You know when you hear those stories of people saying that when they did something terrifying they saw their entire life flashing right before their eyes? Well, that’s really just a figure of speech because the only thing that went through my mind was which one was more painful – falling onto the pavement under me or actually making it to the rooftop.

When my feet hit the ground I knew the answer.

I hissed loudly and held myself up using my elbows to prevent my face from hitting the sandy roof. I looked to both my sides to see whether Eric and Four made it and, of course, they did. They were both standing and walking towards the small group of initiates that gathered around our new leader. I sighed deeply and tried to regain the tiny bit of dignity I had left. I stood up and started walking towards the group when I heard the leader speak up.

“Welcome to Dauntless initiation. My name is Shane and I’ll be your instructor during the training,” he said and his voice sounded rather scary. I couldn’t confirm my thoughts since I didn’t get close enough to see his face but I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to be my favourite person in the world. “That’s interesting. No transfers this year?” I furrowed my eyebrows walking faster to see what he meant. When I reached the group I realised that almost all of the initiates were, in fact, Dauntless-born. I held my breath in terror and started to look around.

“There are two over here,” said one boy with red hair and gestured towards Eric and Four. The instructor nodded.

“No girls?”

“Well, there’s one here,” I heard Steve’s voice when he referred to me and in a way I felt relieved he survived.

The instructor’s eyes darted towards me and he smiled dangerously. “Candor. How nice,” he commented and I straightened my back instinctively and gave him a disapproving look which I knew I would probably regret. However he only chuckled, shook his head and looked all over us once more. Shane had dark hair and dark eyes and looked at scary as he sounded. He was tall and muscular – the very definition of a Dauntless member. He spoke up again. “To get to your new home, you need to jump.” With these words he gestured behind him to a deep hole where the building ended. An audible murmur could be heard among us yet no one spoke up, except for Steve.

“What’s down there?”

“I guess you have to jump and find out,” was the only response we got. _Perfect._ “So who’s first?”

No one dared to step to the front. I glanced at Eric knowing that it was something he wouldn’t mind doing and I could, indeed, see him preparing himself to say something. However, for some unknown to me reason, I remembered what my father used to say. “ _If you want to be remembered and noticed, always make sure you speak up, step up and never show anyone you’re afraid.”_ That advice was mostly meant for school life but I decided to make the best out of my first impression. “Me.”

Everyone’s eyes turned to face me and I could see disbelief in them. Shane raised his eyebrow but motioned towards the front and moved to make space for me. I stepped forward and climbed onto the threshold separating me from the fall. Without even thinking, I took a step and fell down soundlessly.

When my back hit the net I exhaled loudly thanking the heavens for actually surviving. I had no clue what had gotten into me. Normally I would never do anything so stupid. I would be too terrified, too much of a coward. But now…

My thoughts were broken by someone grabbing me and pulling me out of the net. It was a girl with black straight hair and lots of tattoos. She had kind brown eyes yet her face expressed no emotions. “What’s your name?”

I hesitated for a second remembering that you get to change your name when you join Dauntless. And that’s what I did. “Lee.”

The girl nodded. “Welcome to Dauntless.” She turned to face the rest of the people gathered. “First jumper, Lee!”

And the cheering started. Everyone was clapping their hands and smiling to me and I felt as a part of something in a way I never did before. In that moment I had no regrets about making the choice I did. I knew that it was the most dangerous place I could’ve picked considering my test result but I felt confident in my strength and the ability to make it. I knew the journey to become a Dauntless member would be excruciatingly painful but I was prepared to do whatever it took to get there.

However I did not anticipate any of the actual events that were about to take place.


	2. What Happened To Us?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one brings a bit of background story for all three of the main characters. I hope you enjoy that and thanks everyone that actually bothered to read it. It means a lot to me!
> 
> Without further ado, here it is.  
> Enjoy!

_Dauntless initiation is hell._

That was my assumption and I held it as the ultimate truth.

I was convinced enough to believe that other factions had it easier both mentally and physically. First days were torture. By the end of day two I was one hundred percent convinced that they wanted us dead.We were separated into two groups being Dauntless-born initiates and transfers. It was the worst split they could have come up with since there were only three transfers, much to my dismay. The initial number of transfers which was four decreased when Steve didn’t make the jump down the Dauntless compound. He gave up and walked off which I found suspicious considering that he had no issues with jumping from the train few minutes before.

However I had to put my thoughts away and focus on the training which was unfair to say the least. Transfers, meaning Eric, Four (a new name that Tobias chose for himself which he didn’t want to elaborate on) and I, were put into fighting schedule. I was worried about every single fight I was going to have considering Eric’s and Four’s body build. They got enormous within few days yet I remained small and with little to no muscles. Shane kept giving me nicknames referring to my tiny physique but my Candor behaviour didn’t leave so I always had a witty comeback ready which usually resulted in me running laps or doing thousands of push-ups.

“You know, you should train harder right?” Four spoke to me as we were sparring. I gave him a deadly glare but he didn’t seem to be intimidated, only _amused._

“Hilarious, thank you,” I replied angrily and aimed a punch at his chest which he effectively blocked. I grunted in despair. “Come on!”

“Put some effort into it,” he said smiling and I shook my head.

“You think I don’t?” I asked him honestly. “I’m gonna fail whatever test they have prepared for us.”

“You’re not gonna fail,” Four replied letting me throw more punches at him for which I was grateful. I had lots of unused energy. “Just use your whole body, not just your hands.”

I arched my eyebrow at him considering his words. He was right. That was the right technique which made me feel rather stupid. _You couldn’t think of that, could you?_ I scolded myself while approaching the punch from a different angle.

It worked, much to my surprise, and I actually managed to make Four lose his balance for a split second. I smiled in victory at which he laughed and shook his head. “That’s better.”

“Thank you,” I pretended to bow and he laughed again. I enjoyed seeing him do that since usually he was all alone and wasn’t talking to any of us. Personally I found him to be a really nice company. I tried not to bring up his past in Abnegation in spite of my pure curiosity. I knew that he would open up when he was ready.

“You should fight, not play,” I heard someone say behind us and when I recognised the voice I snorted.

“How would you know how playing looks like? You’re so uptight,” I replied not turning away from Four. I could see his amused face expression.

“Funny, Natalie,” he hissed back and I froze.

“That’s not my name, you know,” I turned around to face him and was surprised to see his face full of hatred. _What had gotten into him recently?_

He didn’t reply but kept looking at me with that anger. I was frustrated with his behaviour. Then I saw him glare at Four behind me and the realisation hit me. “Jealous much?” I asked him tilting my head to the side.

His eyes immediately darted back to me and his jaw clenched.

“Is there something going on between you guys?” Four asked sounding slightly hesitant but still amused.

Is there? I honestly didn’t know the answer to that question. For the past few days we were jumping to each other’s throats and it seemed as if the night I had in my memory meant nothing to him.

“Wait, did you guys know each other before?” Four asked with curiosity moving his eyes from me to Eric.

I sighed deeply and looked at Eric who seemed to contemplate whether we should inform him. “Yes,” I replied quietly before Eric could speak up. Four arched his eyebrow smiling at me.

“In what way exactly?” he teased and I chuckled at his easy-going attitude that didn’t happen often.

“Maybe you should ask Eric about it,” I suggested glancing at the before mentioned. He sent me a deadly glare and didn’t speak up. _Typical._

I couldn’t understand what his problem seemed to be. We were alright just few days before but then something happened and yet I had no idea what. Did he change his mind about us? Did he meet someone new here in Dauntless? My mind drifted back to the moment that we shared before the choosing ceremony. Everything seemed fine that night. What changed?

_“Eric…” I whispered trying to get him to stop and look at me. He sighed but moved his eyes from my neck to my eyes. “I want you to know what I’ve chosen…”_

_“Don’t,” he stopped me shaking his head lightly. “Don’t tell me,” he repeated firmly while placing his hands on my waist and pulling me closer to him. I gasped for air when our chests collided but smiled anyway._

_“Why?” I asked quietly reaching my hand to touch his cheek. A gesture I knew he loved. He closed his eyes and leaned in to my touch._

_“Because I’m either going to have an entire life with you or I’ll never get to see or touch you again and I’m not prepared for that,” he explained quietly. “Let’s just have this moment and forget that tomorrow is the day that we will have to change our whole lives, okay?”_

_I nodded smiling warmly at him. There was nothing more I wanted yet I needed a reassurance. I was almost convinced what choice he would make tomorrow but I wanted to hear him say it. I wanted to know that we would be together no matter what. And that scared me. That was why even if, somehow, we ended up in different factions I wanted to have this bit of him. This night was all about us. “Eric…”_

_He looked at me expectantly and smiled. “What is it?”_

_I swallowed hard not knowing what exactly and how to say it. After pondering for a short moment, I leaned closer to him so that I could whisper. “Make love to me.” I could sense Eric stiffen next to me. “If that’s our last time together, I want you to remember it.”_

_“I didn’t think you’d be the one for breaking the rules,” he chuckled relaxing again and gripping my waist firmly. I shivered at that sensation._

_“Well I never really understood that rule,” I replied reaching my hands behind his back. It was true. I never understood why Jeanine was against inter-faction relationships. I never was one to follow the rules but somehow the fact that we were both going to be in different beds tomorrow night made me feel braver. Bravery…_

_“Yeah, me neither,” Eric added. “Are you sure?” he whispered in my ear and I nodded trying to bring him closer to me using my hands behind his back at which he laughed. “Okay then.”_

_At those words his lips crashed with mine and we shared a passionate kiss. His hands were touching every bit of my body but he was being gentle for which I was grateful. I’ve never done it before and I was sure I wanted him to be the one but that didn’t change the fact that I was afraid. Nevertheless his touches made me feel my confident and my hands, just like his, went in search for a place to make him moan. I caressed his back and when one of my hands pulled on his hair and he moaned I smiled in satisfaction._

_I had no idea what the future would bring at that moment but I knew that at least we would have that in our memories. He made me feel things I never felt and even though I knew we shouldn’t since our parents were leaders of two different factions, I could bring myself to care._

_I pushed all my thoughts away and focused on the man in my arms and the romantic night that was ahead of us…_

“Lee, Lee!” I heard someone call my name and I shook my head trying to repress the happy memories. “Did you hear me?”

“Hm, sorry, what did you say?” I asked blinking few times and looking at Four who asked a question.

“I asked if you’re together or not. Because he refuses to answer.”

I looked at Eric who kept his eyes fixed on me. _Oh perfect._ He wanted me to say whether there was something between us or not. Why could he reply? I knew why. He didn’t want to show anyone that he actually had emotions. Something that could make him weak. _Well, so there we go._

“No, I guess we’re not,” I responded straightening my back and glaring at Eric who returned the stare. After a long moment and the lethal atmosphere, Eric snorted and left the room taking his jumper and water bottle.

I turned to face Four who looked at me expectantly. “What?” I asked widening my eyes pretending as if I didn’t know what he wanted.

“What’s going on?” he asked eying me carefully.

“Nothing, what do you mean?” I replied trying to stop my emotions from showing. Of course I didn’t mean what I said. Eric was the most important person in my life at that moment but if he wasn’t ready to admit it then neither was I. Childish behaviour you might say, and you’re probably right, but I couldn’t be the only one that’s invested in that thing between us.

“You both clearly care,” he stated after assessing me carefully. “I’m not going to dwell on what happened between you and when exactly since that would suggest you broke few rules but…” I gave him a disapproving look and he smiled in return. “Why don’t you talk?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, there’s nothing like ‘talking’ with Eric,” I replied thinking about his rather bad temper.

“I’m pretty sure he would talk to you,” Four argued which I found interesting.

“Why are you defending him? I thought you hate him,” I asked arching my eyebrow at my new friend. Four blew a raspberry and reached for his jumper.

“Oh I hate him good,” he replied while zipping the item of clothing he just put on.

“Then why are you on his side?” I kept asking since my curiosity had always taken the best of me.

He turned to face me and smiled wholeheartedly. “I’m not on his side. I’m on yours.” I furrowed my eyebrows as a response to his statement. “Look, dauntless id demanding and dangerous. And it’s probably a good idea not to make an enemy of someone like Eric. He seems arrogant, ruthless and tough,” I nodded my head agreeing with the use of epithets to describe him. “But he cares for you and I bet he’s not all bad. No one is.”

I looked at Four deeply thinking about the reason he left Abnegation. Was that truly what he thought? Was his father not all bad after all? “Are you sure about that?”

He gave me a meaningful look making me realise that he knew exactly what I was talking about. He replied calmly yet firmly. “Yes. I’m sure.”

I widened my eyes in surprise watching him leave the training room in silent. If he thought that his father he clearly abused him earlier on wasn’t all bad then perhaps I should change my mind about events from my own past. And maybe I should cut Eric some slack knowing that I wasn’t the only one going through the dreadful initiation process.

I left my father. A man who devoted his life to saving me and my brother and yet I couldn’t stay in Candor for him. Was I ungrateful? Was I ruthless? Was I arrogant? I sighed deeply and started to wonder.

Was I all bad?


	3. You're Not Candor Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the last chapter that has any similarities with Divergent. The rest is my pure imagination. And if anyone thinks Eric is all good, then just wait for it :)
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's actually reading it and as usual, enjoy!

After around three weeks of extreme physical training we were having an exercise day along with the Dauntless-born. In a way I was waiting for that day knowing that there would be more people around my strength level and I wouldn’t have to get beaten up by Four and Eric all the time.

The training actually went smoothly with no deaths and serious injuries which turned out to be something extraordinary here in Dauntless. People kept getting hurt and were bleeding every single day and, to be genuine surprise, neither the instructors nor leaders seemed to care.

After one of the exhausting days that we had to endure along with the Dauntless-born that ended up sooner than expected, we were supposed to be introduced to different jobs that we could get after the end of Stage Four. Everyone was excited to see what opportunities were awaiting us after we receive the Dauntless membership. We were excited and couldn’t wait for the torture to end.

Most of us were tired and scared so they didn’t speak up that much but, as always in life, there were few that enjoyed pushing our instructors’ buttons and I was one of them. My Candor upbringing taught me to always voice my opinions and speak the truth therefore keeping my mouth shut wasn’t exactly my style. In addition I was always upfront and straightforward which seemed to be a problem in Dauntless...

“… isn’t that’s the reason you joined Dauntless?” one of the Dauntless-born asked Four and pulled me out of my thoughts. I glanced at Four whose fists were clenched and he looked as if he was about to explode. “So that you wouldn’t be a useless Abnegation anymore? You know, only Dauntless is protecting the city, the rest of the factions are indeed pretty useless.”

I took a deep breath debating whether I should speak up and even though I knew very well I should not, I did so anyway. “Dauntless is not the only faction that’s capable of defending our society.”

As soon as I spoke the words, everyone’s eyes turned to look at me and I could sense Eric glare at me. However I simply chose to ignore him. “Erudite has its knowledge, Candor has honesty, Amity has kindness and Abnegation has selflessness. We need all of these traits to survive.” After I finished my sentence my heart skipped a beat when I realised I sounded like a Divergent. Eric and Four must have thought the exact same thing since they sent me deadly glares.

“Abnegation is useless,” one of the Dauntless-born said with a low grunt.

I turned to glare at him. “No faction is useless. They’re our government. Have some respect.”

And with these words, I could feel someone grabbing my arm violently and pulling me closer to him. Initially I thought it was either Four or Eric but when my feet were swiped across the railings I held my breath and my heart started pounding. I looked up to see who was holding me up and I was shocked to see it was Shane. He was grinning at me while lowering my hand so that I could catch the railing.

“You hang there for two minutes and I'll forget your smart mouth and we're done for today,” he said while letting go off my hand. I immediately grabbed the railing in hopes of not falling down. “If you don't and you give up, I'll pull you up but you're factionless. If you fall... oh, well, you know what then,” he smiled.

I swallowed hard feeling sweat forming on my forehead and hands. My hands started to become wet and I was afraid that I would slip down in a matter of seconds. My whole body was trembling and I was mentally begging Shane to forget everything I said and pull me up. Any strength I had left after today's training had left my body and my hands began to slide down. I let out a soft squeal unsure why since I knew he would never forget my 'Candor-like behaviour”.

“That's a death sentence,” I heard someone say. My mind was too blurry to decipher whose voice it was. I was more focused on survival. “No one would hold up for five minutes.”

Shane laughed bitterly and I shivered feeling the sweat all over my body. “Well, do you want to take her place?”

“Yes.”

In spite of my difficult, to say the least, situation I was shocked by whoever decided to stand up for me and even take my place. I appreciated that person's devotion only until I heard Shane's next words. “No can do, buddy. Five more minutes for her.”

“What? That's ridiculous....” someone else protested and murmurs spread all around the initiates group.

“Five more minutes again,” Shane kept adding to my torture. “Anyone else wants to be a white knight?” Everyone kept quiet this time. “Good.”

Then I could feel tears forming in my eyes. I was going to die. I was going to die and it was all my fault. First tear rolled down my cheek yet I couldn't forget my pride and beg for him to pull me up. My stupidity kept telling me that if I was going to die, it should be for something.

“What the hell is going on here?” I heard a voice echoing through the walls of chasm. I recognised it right away. The main Dauntless leader sounded angered. “What do you think you're doing?”

“Teaching her a lesson, boss,” Shane responded happily and despite I was barely hanging on I wished I could wipe that smirk off his face.

“Is it? Because from where I'm standing it looks like your lessening my already small number of initiates,” Max replied angrily and I was praying for him to put an end to my torture.

“Oh, come on,” Shane laughed sounding slightly disappointed. “She's from Candor but she's Dauntless now. She needs to learn how to shut her pretty little mouth once in a while.”

“There are other ways to do it. End this now,” Max ordered and seeing the lack of reaction on Shane's part he repeated, this time shouting. “Now!”

Shane looked at me for a while and then sighed. “Time.”

And in that moment I knew my life was over. My hands, arms... my entire body couldn't take it any longer. I was all dripping from my own sweat and the cold rainwater dripping from above on my palms. I started sliding down and I had no more energy to scream. I closed my eyes awaiting the freeing sensation of falling however it didn't come. Instead I felt someone's hands grabbing my arms and pulling me up. I could also hear the initiates’ terrified whispers and Max cursing at Shane.

“She almost died,” he hissed at our instructor. “Never again.” I ignored them and focused on the person that was pulling me up. I looked up and saw Eric's terrified face expression. He pulled me up on the bridge and my muscles immediately relaxed and I fell lifelessly on his torso. He kept me close to him firmly embracing me with his arms. I was barely breathing. I closed my eyes and focused on the sound of water dripping on the rocks. “You're done for today. Get some rest,” I heard someone say and it took me a while to realise that it was Max.

And with these words both of them left.

There was a deadly silence surrounding us and I felt comfortable with that even though I knew everybody's eyes were on me. “You're okay, you made it,” I heard Eric whisper in my hair and his sweet warm breath helped soothe my sore body. I swallowed hard and tried to open my eyes. I tried to pull myself up but that turned out to be too difficult. Eric seeing that immediately held me tighter and I felt another set of hands on me, helping me steady myself.

“We got you, you're good,” I heard Four say and I sighed with relief. I kept my eyes closed and let Eric hold me until I was ready to get up. My muscles were in pain and they felt as if they were burning. My whole body was on fire and I couldn’t catch a proper breath. I was glad I didn’t die but somehow I felt that death would be less painful than Dauntless initiation.

“How are you doing?” Eric whispered in my ear but I wasn’t able to answer so I squeezed his arm reassuringly at which he sighed.

The worst part of this entire event was that I would do it again. I would speak up anytime I wasn’t asked to and I would say whatever was on my mind. Was I truly capable of being a real Dauntless member? The answer was obviously no. I was Divergent. My main test result was Dauntless but I also received Erudite and Candor. In that exact order. I would never be a perfect fit for any of the factions. The only thing that would keep me safe would be leaving however I couldn’t do that. I needed to try. I wanted to try.

Even though my whole body was shaking I made myself to stand up and realised that all the initiates already spread out. I was thankful for that since I didn’t want them to see me breaking into tears which I felt like could happen momentarily. Eric’s hands were still gripping my shoulders in case I felt like fainting but I tried to maintain my balance. Four was also standing close to help me up in any way. I was grateful for all they did for me but somehow it made me feel worthless and too weak to be one of them.

They helped me get to our rooms and when they left to get some dinner I decided to stay in in spite of their pleas. I didn’t feel like showing up so that everyone could see me although I supposed it would be good for me. I should prove them that they didn’t break me, that I’m tough but I simply couldn’t. Instead I chose to lie in my bed until everyone went to sleep and I kept thinking and thinking…

Today had left me in excruciating pain and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I regretted choosing Dauntless. I knew I wouldn’t be a good fit for Candor or any other faction for that matter but Dauntless was something entirely different. It required not only physical strength but also a mental one and I felt like I didn’t have any.

I was lying in my bed in my black clothes under my black covers and I felt sadder than ever. I was afraid I won’t make it. The urge to speak the truth or at least voice my opinions was stronger to resist than I had anticipated. In that moment I understood why so many people ended up being Factionless. Getting rid of your old habits was more difficult to do than it seems.

I felt a tear rolling down my cheek and I closed my eyes to make it stop. Then I heard the door to the initiates’ room open quietly and then shut again. I tried to pretend I was asleep especially since I could hear the person coming closer and closer to where I was lying. I tried not to move but when that someone lied next to me, his chest flush against my back, I froze. I only relaxed when I felt one of his arms under my neck and the other one around my waist. Eric pulled me against him and held me firmly which was exactly what I needed. As he buried his face in my neck, I forgot about our days full of fighting and welcomed his warmth happily. We were both just lying there without talking, me wrapped in his arms and him inhaling my smell. He, on the other hand, smelled of sweat and, for some reason, ashes but it had a calming effect on me.

After a long while I felt someone move closer to our bed along with his. That was the best part about the Dauntless rooms – you could move your beds all over the place. He grabbed my hand and tangled his fingers with mine and I felt relieved to see it was Four. He gave me a reassuring smile that in spite of the darkness I could see clearly. I returned the favour gratefully and squeezed his hand.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you, I promise,” Eric whispered into my ear after a long moment and his sweet breath on my skin sent shivers down my spine.

“You can’t possibly promise me that,” I whispered back and realised that my voice sounded teary and sad. However I couldn’t help it.

“Yes, I can,” he disagreed and brought me closer to him if it was even possible. “I _promise_ you that no one will ever hurt you, Lee. I swear,” he made his promise and I smiled at his use of my new name.

“Same goes for me,” Four added quietly rubbing my knuckles using his thumb.

I truly appreciated both of them but I was afraid that they might not be able to deliver. I knew there was no place for sentiments in Dauntless. I wondered how people even keep relationships going on in this place knowing that everybody could be simply playing a part. Nevertheless I chose to believe them and enjoy what little trust we had for as long as we had it.

I snuggled my back into Eric’s chest and drifted into sleep knowing that nothing would happen to me that night.


	4. A Spark That Started A Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of interaction between Eric and Lee that will set a direction their relationship will go into in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't had any inspiration recently so this one's rather short. However I have the last two chapters (not that they're coming any time soon) written so I know the end of my story :-)
> 
> Again, a huge thanks for people reading and I hope you enjoy this one as well!

After the events that took place few days ago, everyone (mostly Eric and Four) was hoping that I learned my lesson and wouldn’t do anything like that again. However I wasn’t that ready to get rid of my Candor behaviour, apparently even in the face of death. Shane seemed to notice that as well and looked as if he was ready to rip my head off but he restrained himself every time I spoke up. Almost as if he was instructed to do so. Somehow I believed that was true due to Max’s rage when he saw the ‘lesson’ that Shane was teaching me. Maybe he really couldn’t afford to lose any more of us…

On the other hand, there was one pleasant outcome of my near death experience. I chose to train more often and harder than ever. I could also feel my body becoming stronger and the exercises turned out to be easier than before. Eric, apparently, saw my improvement as well.

“You’re doing better,” he commented one day when I decided to stay after hours in hour training area. It was already dark and I had no idea why he was there therefore I jumped upon hearing his voice.

“Well, I need to prepare for becoming Factionless.

I could hear Eric scoff at my words. He came up from behind me and using his leg he directed mine to a proper posture. His hands landed on my waist and his lips were inches away from my ear. “You’re not ending up Factionless.”

“You can’t know that for sure,” I whispered back shivering at the feeling of his warm presence behind me.

“Yes, I can,” he replied pulling me against his chest and wrapping his arms around me. I inhaled deeply not expecting that from him but after a moment I leaned against him and closed my eyes. He always had this way of calming me down even if I was stressed beyond measure. Even before we joined Dauntless, I knew we weren’t supposed to, but Eric and I had deep friendship that turned into romance. I had a feeling that my father knew but he chose not to tell anyone. Moreover I assumed his parents suspected something when their son was hanging out with a Candor girl each and every day but they never said anything either. However they hated me with passion.

“Do you think they will choose to kick few of us out?” I asked him quietly relaxing in his grip.

Eric sighed and placed his lips on top of my head. The height difference between us allowed him to do that and I never minded really. “I doubt it. They can’t afford to lose any more of us,” he replied and it calmed me down even more. “There was already too many of us that didn’t make the jump.”

“I wonder why…” I whispered remembering Steve who I thought would be the bravest of us all, of course after Eric. However he didn’t make the jump. I was confused about it and couldn’t comprehend why he would choose to walk off and live factionless over to at least trying. He would have made it inside Dauntless easily.

“Some people made the wrong choice with Dauntless,” Eric whispered and I narrowed my eyes.

“You mean me?” I asked angrier than I meant to. I moved away and glared at him. His eyes looked at me with confusion but soon after turned into anger as well.

“Why do you always have to interpret things the wrong way?” he asked me and I couldn’t seem to disagree. It was all nice and romantic but my tendency to overreact and fear of closeness killed it and ruined the moment.

However, my stubbornness didn’t allow me to let go.

“I guess so,” I replied sending him deadly glares.

He shook his head and sighed. “Why have you chosen Dauntless?” he asked and my eyes widened. “Have you ever thought about it or has it just happened in a heat of a moment?”

I couldn’t believe it. “It’s not just some whim of mine!” I shouted. I was more than angry at that point. He knew that I had a valid reason behind choosing Dauntless. Why would he ask such a question? “Maybe the better question is have you thought about your choice? Wouldn’t you be better in Erudite?”

He froze and his look completely changed. He wasn’t approachable anymore. His demeanour became aggressive and tough. He wasn’t the same as back in Erudite. He was unrecognisable for me and I didn’t know what to do about it. I knew we all changed, that was the effect Dauntless had on everyone. However Eric’s change was different, he became _emotionless._ Somehow I felt as if it was my fault.

I knew initially he had plans of joining Dauntless himself but perhaps my presence made him act differently. He was drastic in every single interaction he had with Four and that frightened me. Nevertheless I knew I was safe with him but the fact that probably no one was made it difficult for me to accept.

“You know very well why I chose to join Dauntless so don’t ask stupid questions,” he hissed and I shivered at the tone of his voice. His eyes had no more affection left in them. “You’re the one who had perfect family so why didn’t _you_ stick around in Candor would be a better question.”

I snorted. That argument wasn’t going to get us anywhere other than a deep and unforgettable mess. We would say things we didn’t mean and none of us, due to our stubbornness and attitude problems, would actually apologise. Therefore I sighed and chose not to engage anymore. “Let’s just leave it, alright?”

I started to pick my clothes up in order to go to our rooms and sleep but he didn’t seem to have the same plans as me. “What? Now you don’t want to set this straight?”

“That’s not what we’re doing, we’re jumping to each other’s throats,” I replied as calmly as possible and then I looked at him. “And if you can’t see it then you’re not the same boy that saved a young scared girl from being assaulted by her fellow Candor classmates.” I could see his expression change upon hearing my words. I knew they would hurt him but I needed to say it. I needed him to know and understand how I feel. Apparently I did since his eyes were showing pure sadness.

I took all of my things and headed towards the exit but before I actually left, I turned around to face him once more. “And I really miss that boy.”


	5. The Betrayal of Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That one was fun writing! I really like that side of Eric and Lee since it shows that they're fighting something within themselves. And could Eric really do what he's accused of?
> 
> Enjoy!

“Congratulations. You’re Dauntless now.”

Cheering and applause resonated throughout the entire dining room. The Dauntless members clapped their hands and offered warm smiles to all of us. We were officially Dauntless members. However that wasn’t the end of our torture. We still had two stages ahead of us. Apparently the worst ones.

Stage one and two consisted of individual and group training. The physical parts of initiation weren’t supposed to be difficult but the next stage included fear simulations which I was afraid of the most. I still remembered my father’s warning. “ _Don’t let anyone know.”_ I knew he wasn’t entirely aware or at least we had never discussed it but he had his well-founded suspicious of me being Divergent. I knew that the easiest way to expose such individuals was through simulations because we were aware it wasn’t real. That was why I needed to learn the proper way a Dauntless member would solve the problems we were going to face in the fear landscape.

Suddenly someone ran up to me and hugged me real tight which pulled me out of my thoughts and back to reality. “Congrats, girl.”

I couldn’t see who it was but I recognised the voice therefore I returned the hug as warmly as possible. “Thank you, Lincoln. But that’s only the beginning.”

He scoffed while letting me go. His sweet blue eyes were as happy as I had ever seen them. “You’re already getting the Dauntless attitude? Don’t be grumpy.”

I chuckled. “Well, isn’t that the whole point of the initiation process? To make us lose our spark of happiness?” I asked arching my eyebrow at him. He smiled truly amused by me and ran a hand through his golden blond hair.

“That’s the trick,” he said lowering his voice pretending to let me in on a secret. “The best ones don’t.”

I smiled hearing him so at ease. I clearly remembered him back in Candor. He was sad and miserable therefore I never had any doubts he would defect. I recollected the day of his choosing ceremony, a year before mine, and his father’s disappointed face expression. Our parents were friends so we used to be close since early teenage years. I also knew him very well and was sad to see him leave to Dauntless but we were in the same faction as of few weeks and things felt more at home for me.

I eyed him for a long while assessing how he’d changed. His posture improved greatly and he was standing straighter which made me feel smaller than ever. He was always taller than me but at that exact moment I felt like a child that was allowed to play with the adults. His face also matured and he had visible stubble which, I had to admit, suited him perfectly. _Oh how much have I missed you…_

“Enjoying your time down here?” he asked pulling me out of my thoughts again.

“Of course I am!” I exclaimed with excitement which made him chuckle at my reaction.

“Slightly different than Candor, isn’t it?”

“A lot,” I contemplated looking around the cheering people. That type of behaviour wasn’t common in Candor. Of course we did celebrate holidays and other important events, however not to that extent. Everything in Dauntless was amplified. Every emotion felt was meant to be felt more intensely. Happiness, love, excitement, passion… anger. The last one offered a lot of trouble but in a long run I agreed it was worth it. “Everything is intense. You feel… alive.”

Lincoln nodded seemingly thinking about his time back in Candor. “That’s what I love about this place. It’s full of life and adventure. You don’t get to experience that in any other faction.” I nodded in agreement. He shook his head and smiled at me again. “But we should celebrate not take a trip down the memory lane. You’re one of the only three transfers this year. That’s something.”

“Yeah, a lot didn’t make it,” I said with sadness.

“Tough life, that happens a lot in here,” he replied and I remembered him being repulsed by violence, suicides and deaths so apparently, as time went by, he adjusted. _Maybe I will as well._ “Just don’t let it get to you.”

That was the hardest part though. _What if you lose someone you love? How do you cope?_ “I’ll do my best.”

“You always do,” he commented. I blew a raspberry and he chuckled. I missed that type of interaction with someone. I didn’t have anything like that in the past few weeks except for violent bickering with Eric and life-contemplating conversations with Four. I needed something happy and easy.

 _Speak of the devil and he shall appear_ , I thought seeing Eric pass right next to us. He gave me and Lincoln and deadly glare but said nothing. He joined few of the Dauntless-born from our initiation and ignored us completely. He was still angry at me for what I said about him becoming all bad and emotionless.

Lincoln snorted. “Uh, what’s up with your love boy up there?” he asked sending me a flirtatious smile. I smiled lightly. I knew he remembered Eric and I back in Candor. They weren’t exactly friends but neither did they hate each other which was something for Eric. However I assumed that in Dauntless Eric saw Lincoln as a threat for whatever plans he had.

“He’s angry at me,” I answered not really wanting to talk about Eric. “He’ll get over it.” Lincoln nodded but I could see he felt sorry for me.

“Are you guys still together?” he asked clearly having something else on his mind.

“Well, we kind of broke it off, I think,” I replied observing Lincoln’s reaction. Something was off. “At least for now. Why?”

He looked truly confused and unwilling to answer my question. “Look, I really don’t want to get in between you two.”

“Well, since you started talking, finish,” I insisted. He never hesitated to say something which was in his opinion important. He sighed.

“You passed two stages. Enjoy,” Lincoln smiled and touched my shoulder. That was a condescending move. “We’ll talk later.”

“We’re talking now,” I kept pushing.

He looked at me for a moment and then glanced at Eric who was in a deep conversation with few Dauntless members. He sighed and looked back at me. “I don’t know anything for sure but there was this girl in the initiation with me last year.” That didn’t sound good. I furrowed my eyebrows as Lincoln continued. “So she’s been hanging out with Eric recently. A lot. She never really does that and keeps to herself.”

I tried not to let it show and get to me, but I knew it did. _Was she a friend back from Erudite?_ There were plenty of transfers, they could simply know each other from back in the day. “Well… was she a transfer from Erudite?” I asked and realised that my voice sounded really weak.

“Yeah, she was,” Lincoln replied eying me carefully and obviously assessing how well I took the news. “I remember her transferring. Maybe you remember her as well, Ann Mason. She was in our school.”

I nodded my head. Oh yes, I remembered Ann. She was pretty and quite normal judging by Erudite standards. However what I didn’t remember was Eric and Ann being friends. “I don’t think she and Eric were close.”

Lincoln shook his head. “Not really, I guess, but who knows,” he said shrugging and then quickly glanced at me realising what he said. “Hey, I don’t know Eric that well and I might be mistaken. I just thought you should know because rumours about such things spread rather fast, here in Dauntless.”

I nodded faster than I should. I felt dizzy and angry at the same time. Hurt and frustrated. “No, thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it.” Lincoln looked as if he wanted to say something however I waved at him to stop. “Really, it’s fine. Look, we have the celebration party now so I’m going to go. See you later!” I kissed him goodbye on the cheek and quickly turned around heading in the direction that every initiate was. Right before I was about to leave the room to get fully drunk, someone stopped me. I looked up in hopes it wasn’t Eric and I felt relieved but also confused.

“Congratulations,” Shane smiled to me and I furrowed my eyebrows at his fake kindness. He laughed seeing my scepticism. “I mean it, I thought you’d fail but you proved me wrong. Good job.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“Now go have fun, it’s a Dauntless tradition,” he motioned towards the other initiates and I quickly joined them not wanting to talk with him anymore.

The party mostly included drinking and sexual dancing which usually wasn’t my thing but at that moment I enjoyed any distraction. Being from Candor you don’t get to drink a lot and in my case it was the first time therefore I was warned to take it slow. However my anger and lack of respect for rules made me bolt down three shots of pure vodka within one minute and I continued at such a pace for the rest of the party. I could sense Eric glancing at me worryingly seeing the amount I was pouring into myself but I couldn’t care less what he thought about it.

After some time passed, I decided that I got bored and seeing Eric’s eyes on me constantly, I decided to do something incredibly stupid yet in my opinion worth the risk. I stood up and headed towards the exit and as expected Eric stopped me. His eyes were focused on me and he clearly wasn’t as drunk as I was.

“That was a bit too much, wouldn’t you agree?” he asked grabbing my arms to keep me in place since I was trying to pass him.

“No, I wouldn’t and now let me go,” I replied probably not as articulately as I thought I did. Eric arched his eyebrow and gave me an onceover.

"You should go to sleep,” he said and I snorted. _What do you even care?_ “You’re going to feel like shit tomorrow morning.”

 “I’m peachy,” I hissed at him. “Don’t you worry about me.”

“Natalie, what is…”

“Don’t call me that,” I glared at him and tried to free myself from his grip.

“I’ll call you whatever I like, sweetie,” he replied clearly getting angry with me. _Oh good for you!_

“We’ll see about that, love,” I responded and finally freed myself. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go.”

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked angrily but there was something else in his eyes but I was too drunk and the room was too dark for me to guess what.

“Lincoln,” I answered grinning at him. His muscles tightened which made me happy since he obviously remembered him and I achieved what I wanted. “When you’re going to be busy with Ann, I’ll be enjoying myself with him. Sounds fair, doesn’t it?”

I said it and, despite my drunken mind, immediately regretted it. I had no doubt Eric wouldn’t hurt me no matter what I’d do since he proved it on multiple occasions but I wasn’t so sure about Lincoln. They were never really close and even though they didn’t hate one another, I knew what people were capable of when jealous.

Almost as if to prove my thoughts, Eric’s eyes darkened and he gripped my arm painfully strong. I winced but chose not show. However he could probably see he was causing me pain since the grip loosened slightly. He kept glaring at me angrily and looked as if he was about to say something. However he decided not to and let go of me. I looked at him in surprise and noticed the pain in his eyes. That made me feel bad for a split second but then I realised that I wasn’t the one who started it all.

I couldn’t stand looking at him so I pushed him aside and walked out of the party heading straight to Lincoln’s room. He told me the number and the level so that, in case I wanted to talk, I knew where to look for him. It was a perfect moment to take him up on that offer. After I got to his door, I knocked more violently that I intended but decided not to bother. That was probably the alcohol playing with my brain.

After a few seconds the door opened and Lincoln looked at me in surprise. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Nothing really, just thought I said hi.” I smiled and stepped through the doorstep to get inside. He didn’t stop me but eyed me carefully instead.

“You’re drunk,” he commented after shutting the door behind me.

“Maybe a little,” I admitted smiling flirtatiously at him and he shook his head in defeat.

“It looks like it’s a bit more than a little,” he said opening his fridge to take out something that looked like orange juice and poured it into a glass. He stepped closer to me and handed me the glass. “You should really drink that.”

“What is it?” I asked suspiciously but took the glass anyway.

“Grapefruit juice,” he replied smiling at me. “Your favourite.”

“Thank you,” I said happily and bolted down the entire glass. Afterwards I set it back on the table and came closer to Lincoln to fulfil my initial purpose of coming there.

“What are you doing?” he asked sounding a bit annoyed with me but I ignored it and kept coming closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself onto my toes so that I could reach his face. “Lee, come on,” he tried to stop me but I was too stubborn. He tried to pull away but when I kissed him, he didn’t pull back.

His kisses were soft and sweet and I found myself comparing them to Eric’s. _Don’t think about him_. I deepened the kiss and that was a moment when he slowed his movements and placed his hands on each side of my face. Gently we stopped kissing and Lincoln sighed shaking his head.

“Look, you don’t want to do that,” he whispered in my ear as I closed my eyes and sighed.

“How do you know?” I asked reaching my hands behind his back.

He chuckled stopping my hands from going under his shirt. “Because I know you, Natalie. And you’re better than that,” he whispered and kissed the top of my head. _He was right._ “Besides you’re intoxicated for the first time and I don’t want to be thrown up on.”

I laughed at his comment and he hugged me. I snuggled into his chest and tried to hide my face from embarrassment. _What was I thinking?_ “I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid.”

“No, you’re not,” he shook his head. “You just want to get back on him. But that’s not the way. Besides you might be really misinterpreting things.”

I snorted at that. _Yeah, right._ “I doubt that,” I murmured.

Lincoln sighed and let go of me. “Don’t give up on you, guys,” he said quietly wiping tears away from my face that I didn’t know were there.

“I’m Dauntless now, I shouldn’t care,” I mumbled moving away from him and wiping the tears myself.

“That’s not what being Dauntless means.” I could hear Lincoln say behind me but I didn’t turn around fighting my embarrassment. “You’re not meant to be a bad and mean person or a fearless one because that apparently is another misconception about this faction. It’s all about bravery. You can never get rid of all your fears, they’ll be with you until you die. But the meaning behind Dauntless manifesto is that you should be the bravest version of yourself possible. Not fearless, just someone who can overcome their fears in the face of danger to themselves or someone else,” he explained. That was not the book definition of the faction but it was the best one I’d heard so far. “Being Dauntless doesn’t mean being emotionless.”

I listened to him and tried to keep all he said in my mind. I truly admired the approach he had to the faction system. It was rarely you met someone with the same values like his. People believed that Candor was ruined by its honesty or that every member was a liar. Abnegation was supposedly stealing food and clothes that were meant for the Factionless and on top of that, the faction’s leader abused his son. Erudite ignored everyone’s views and opinions believing that facts were the solution to everything but that made them ignorant. Amity were accused on being falsely happy and kind and too passive in the participation in the society. In addition to all that, Dauntless were ruthless and brainless basing their values solely on physical strength.

That was why it was so refreshing to hear someone believe in a different side of the factions. The one that includes human nature in it and allows everyone to be different.

That was what I wanted to believe in.

And I refused to let anyone tell me otherwise.


	6. The Truth Would Set You Free...

I woke up with the worst headache I’ve ever experienced. It felt as if someone stepped on my head few times and then also kicked me in the stomach since I felt nauseous the entire time since waking up. I didn’t remember exactly how I managed to get back on my own from Lincoln’s room but somehow I ended up in my own bed. Or perhaps I didn’t get back on my own…

By the time I opened my eyes all of the initiates were gone from our shared room, probably to get some breakfast before the training. I scolded myself in my mind knowing very well that I wasn’t capable of eating anything let alone exercising heavily. I tried to sit down and then my eyes went blank for a split second and I inhaled deeply.

_Good job, Lee. You’re going to be Factionless in a matter of minutes._

I stood up trying to avoid shaking my head too much and headed towards what was supposed to be our prototype of a bathroom. I couldn’t wait to be a real Dauntless member and get an actual room. Taking a shower or peeing with dozen people present wasn’t exactly a dream.

I brushed my teeth and splashed my face with cold water to try to conceal my swollen face and bag under my eyes. It didn’t help much but it was all I could work with in such a limited time. I sighed deeply and headed to the training room prepared to be hung over chasm once more.

However, much to my surprise, when I got there, Shane wasn’t present and every initiate was working out on his own. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked around to find someone who could provide me with answers. I spotted Four from across the room where he was punching a bag with a lot of anger. I walked up to him. “Where’s Shane?”

“He called off the training. Apparently some situation with one of the members,” he replied not looking at me and kept punching the poor thing to the point it was flying in each direction.

I chose to ignore his outburst of anger. “Something serious?”

“I don’t know but looks like it,” he answered and finally looked at me or rather behind me and stopped training.

I turned around to see what made him stop his punches and saw no one other than Eric. His face was angrier than yesterday when I told him that I was going to see Lincoln in a very personal matter. _God, what is wrong with me?_

“So did you _enjoy yourself?”_ Eric asked emphasising the last two words and I felt awful for treating him like that yesterday. All the suspicions I had shouldn’t matter since he was so close to me that I should be fair and asked him first. However I decided it was better to get drunk and tease him. What a thought!

“Eric, about that…” I started not really knowing what to say but knowing I should say something.

“Don’t bother. Not like I care,” he replied glaring at me. I could see the pain in his eyes that he tried so hard to hide and I knew it was all my fault. I felt sorry because I never meant to intentionally hurt him. All the reasons I thought it was a good idea yesterday escaped my mind and I was left feeling like a total asshole.

“Okay, Eric, listen…” I tried again hoping he would let me explain.

“No, really. I hope he was good,” he said smiling viciously but I could see it took all his strength to do that. He stepped closer to me and leaned in to whisper in my ear something that made me feel worse than before. “And for the record, there’s nothing between me and Ann. How does that make you feel?”

When he looked back at me he wasn’t glaring anymore but his eyes expressed pure grief. He took a step back and walked away from us. I sighed angrily and started gaining strength to punch the bag in hopes of getting all the frustration out of my system

“What was that about?” Four asked in a very confused tone of voice and arched an eyebrow at me.

“I’m stupid, that’s what,” I replied standing in front of the punching bag and steadying myself to start punching it.

“He probably deserved it,” Four said sounding quite amused. Of course he thought so and perhaps he was right.

“Yeah, maybe, but I’ve gone too far,” I admitted aiming a first punch at the bag and sending it flying in the other direction.

“Say sorry and you’ll be good,” Four replied standing behind the bag to keep it steady.

“He’s not that type,” I snorted knowing very well that apologises were the last thing he cared for.

Usually not, but I feel like he might make an exception for you,” he said smiling at me and nodding to inform he was ready for me to continue my training. I sighed and smiled back at him.

_I hope you’re right._

 

After the training and grew more suspicious towards the location of all Dauntless leaders since none of them was to be found. Something serious happened and I could sense it. I was worried someone got hurt and I knew they probably wouldn’t inform the initiates about that since we weren’t really Dauntless members yet. For a split second I thought that I shouldn’t care about others because that was being weak, but then I remembered what Lincoln told me last night and I pushed the cruel thoughts away. I could be strong and brave while still being kind. At least I could try considering I was neither Amity nor Abnegation. I received none of the polite factions on my aptitude test. Was I a bad person?

My thoughts were trying to swallow me whole, that was why, when our day was over, I headed towards the roof where I used to spent a lot of time recently. It helped me to relax and allowed to get rid of persistent thoughts that I had plenty as of few days. Most of them were related to Eric, and that was exactly what I was trying to escape, therefore I was more than surprised to find him sitting on that roof alone.

He looked as innocent as I remembered him back in Erudite. I missed those days. Not because I missed being a member of Candor but because I missed how simple and easy things were before. Even though we weren’t allowed to be involved with each other, we could simply tell our parents that we’re going for a walk and meet up like that. In Dauntless, things got complicated. We could do whatever we pleased with anyone we pleased but the stakes were higher. There was also something Eric wasn’t telling me, something that bothered me greatly. I was afraid it would consume him and he would become a shell of the kind and honourable man he once was. I did know that many wouldn’t call him that but they didn’t know him as well as I did.

I moved closer and stood next to him. I could see that he noticed me when his muscles flinched at my presence. I didn’t know if that reaction was good or bad. “Enjoying the night?” I asked as happily as I could to lighten the mood between as. That I started for that matter.

However Eric chose to ignore me and kept looking at the dark sky beyond the edge of the building. I sighed deeply and decided to keep going. He would talk to me eventually, even just to say ‘shut up’. “I like this place, it’s calm and that works wonders when you’re in Dauntless.” I smiled and closed my eyes inhaling the chilly night air. “Does it help you?”

“Not really,” he replied finally and his voice sounded as if he was contemplating something as serious as whether he should jump off that building. I was worried about him. Something was wrong. However at that moment I had more important things to talk to him about.

“Look, Eric, I’m deeply…” I started but he interrupted me.

“I don’t care, alright? You can fuck whoever you want, I have no interest in your personal affairs…” he spoke and I could feel the venom in his voice which hurt me gravely.

“Please, stop!” I begged and my voice sounded as if I was crying. Well, I guess I was on the verge of it. Nonetheless that actually worked and he stopped talking while sighing deeply. “Please don’t act like that. Don’t tell me you really think I did anything with Lincoln?! You know very well that we were juts friends and you were the first one I’ve ever done that with. And only once. I was just trying to get back at you.”

He scoffed at my words but when started speaking again his voice sounded much friendlier. “For what? For _not being the same person as before_? People change, you know. Especially here, in Dauntless.”

“I know but…”

“But?”

I didn’t really know what ‘but’ I wanted to address but I simply wanted to protect myself. “Now I think it’s childish.”

“Well, it probably is,” he said snorting at me. His eyes were still fixed on the horizon and not looking at me.

“Eric…” I pleaded however he seemed quite contented with mocking me.

“What? Just the truth. I thought as a former Candor you’d appreciate it,” he retorted and I knew he was still angry.

“Very funny,” I mocked him and then added whispering. “Apparently you’re spending a lot of time with Ann recently.”

At my words, something that I had not anticipated happened. Eric laughed and looked at me at once. His eyes were quite amused. “So that’s what it’s about? You’re jealous?”

“No! Of course I’m not…” I replied sounding offended but I could feel how it looked like. I was acting like a small child that couldn’t admit to making a mistake or actually caring for that matter.

“Are you sure? Because that would settle the matters for me,” he said with full honesty in his voice. As a Candor-born, you learn to recognise the voice patterns when someone’s lying and Eric was telling the truth. Which I found interesting…

“Then yes,” I answered quickly.

“Are you that willing to concede?” he asked arching an eyebrow at me.

“I don’t want to argue with you,” I responded sitting next to him. His muscles tightened but he didn’t move away and I realised that it was the first time since joining Dauntless that we were that close to each other and alone. Excluding the one time when I broke down with him and Four at night after Shane tried to kill me. However let’s forget that part… “But you did change.”

“You can’t be serious! Can’t you let that go?” he asked raising his voice slightly.

“No because it’s something that has nothing to do with transferring to Dauntless and it clearly bothers you,” I insisted knowing very well it wasn’t a good idea.

“It’s nothing,” he replied quietly and turned back to look at the sky. He was obviously lying to me.

“The fact that you say that means it is,” I said trying to move closer to him. I knew I was risking a lot by bringing that subject up but I only wanted to help him. He didn’t move away or even flinch when our shoulders touched which I found to be a good sign.

“Natalie, you don’t want to go there…” he begged me slowly and I could sense it was something big.

“Why? And my name is Lee.”

“Because it’s not a good idea. And I’ll call you whatever I like, I already told you,” he answered and grinned at me. I shook my head in defeat. _Fine._

“Hilarious. Eric, it would be easier for you, please tell me,” I begged him.

However he seemed to be focused on not telling me anything. “I can’t.”

“Why?” I inquired.

“Stop with the questions,” Eric ordered quietly and hid his face in his palms sighing deeply.

“Then are you willing to admit you’re simply a bad person?” I asked hoping that would make him talk.

“If that makes you stop asking questions, yes,” he replied much to my dissatisfaction.

“Really? Just to make me stop asking?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yes,” he simply answered looking back at me.

“What is it?” I asked trying to beg him with my eyes. I knew there was something bad going on and the only thing I wanted was to help him and make him be the same happy person he was before. What happened?

“You’re not going to let that go, are you?” he asked quietly and I realised that our faces were inches apart.

“You know me well enough to know the answer,” I replied and he smiled. “It can’t be that bad.”

“If you only knew…” he sighed and looked down.

“Then tell me,” I pushed.

“You’d be in danger, I can’t,” he let in some and I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Yes, you can. We swore to each other. Truth – always,” I reminded him. Back when we were in our factions of origin, the day he saved my from my fellow Candors, he swore that we would always have each other’s back. I wanted to keep that promise.

“Not this time, little girl,” he whispered softly and looked deep into my eyes.

“Eric, please…” I mouthed moving closer with each plea.

“I can’t,” he repeated and leaned in closer. He kissed me deeply and passionately cupping my face with both of his hands. I moaned into his mouth realising how much I missed that feeling. Before I was able to reach him to keep him close, he already parted our lips and stood up. “Good night, my love,” he whispered into my hair and placed a kiss on top of my head. “Sleep tight.”


	7. Fear Landscapes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm done with my school so, except for few exams, I have more time for writing now. So those of you who like this story are going to be satisfied with more frequent updates!
> 
> As usually, enjoy!

The next stage of our initiation were fear simulations. The one I was afraid of the most. I was worried things such as my deepest and most hidden secrets would come out or maybe even my divergence. I had no intentions of becoming Factionless therefore I needed to find a way to pass that stage just like any other Dauntless member would.

That was why I went to visit Lincoln in order to apologise for acting like a total asshole few days back. Moreover I needed to ask him for a favour and hoped he would agree to help me without asking too many uncomfortable questions. He had no idea I was Divergent and obviously I didn’t think it would be a good idea to let him know.

However I didn’t have to ask him many times because the only thing he did was give me a meaningful look of concern and hand me the keys to the simulation room so that I could train after hours.

“Do you need any help with it?” he asked.

“No, I’ll be good,” I replied mostly so that he wouldn’t be there when all my fears would come rushing through. I guessed he could see that because he gave me a small nod and a warm smile of encouragement.

“Well, good luck then,” he said. “And remember that no fear is to be ashamed of.”

I smiled, thanked him and walked out of his room thinking that I knew what he was referring to. However personally I did think it was something to be ashamed of…

 

After everyone headed down to the pit to get tattoos or drink, I took my keys and headed towards the simulation room to practise. I didn’t need anyone’s curious eyes on me. I opened the door and before entering, I looked around to see if no one was there, observing. However the biggest shock was when I walked in and almost screamed in surprise seeing someone inside.

“A bit louder if you don’t mind,” Eric complained furrowing his eyebrows at me. I simply stood there paralysed with the keys in my hand, my mouth wide open and no ability to speak. “Cat got your tongue now? Wow that would be amazing…”

“What are you doing here?” I asked ignoring his mean remark.

“Probably the same as you I guess,” he responded setting up the simulation equipment that consisted of syringes, different liquids and wires. I swallowed hard.

“I guess so,” I replied weaker than I meant to which clearly drew his attention.

He smirked at me. “Afraid of needles?”

“Not really,” I answered coming closer to him and the armchairs. He arched his eyebrows at me unconvinced.

“Are you sure?” he asked picking one up and bringing it closer to me. I furrowed my eyebrows at him and gave him a “are you for real?” face expression at which he shook his head and put the needle down. “Then what makes you practise the test beforehand?”

“I could ask you the same question,” I replied leaning against the table and winking at him teasingly. His muscles flexed seeing the look on my face.

“Maybe I just want to prepare well,” he replied smirking at me and filling the syringe with some light purple liquid.

“You’re a liar,” I whispered frowning at him angrily and he only sent me a deadly glare. He motioned for me to sit down on the armchair at which I arched my eyebrow.

“No way,” I refused crossing my arms against my chest. “There’s no way I’m letting you see my fears.”

He chuckled and smiled encouragingly. “Not like I’m going to judge you.”

“No,” I said firmly. I couldn’t let him see my fears but there was something I was worried about more. Him discovering I was Divergent. I couldn’t let that happen even though I considered him to be trustworthy. I highly doubted he would inform anyone about it if he found out but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to risk it.

“Why would that be?” he asked looking at me suspiciously and I could feel my face getting red due to his intense stare.

“I don’t feel like sharing my personal matters with you,” I replied keeping my head up and holding his glare.

“You didn’t seem to be bothered with that before,” he smirked at me and I knew exactly what he was referring to. The night before our choosing ceremony. The night we did something we shouldn’t until we transferred out of our factions of origin but we chose to break that rule.

“That was different,” I replied feeling a hot wave of emotions flooding me.

Eric smirked clearly seeing how uncomfortable the conversation made me feel but then his face expression changed. I couldn’t decipher what it indicated but I could see that it was something he was keen on letting me know. After a long moment of staring at each other in silence a thought came across my mind.

_What if he…_

My eyes widened and my lips parted at which his jaw clenched. He must had realised what I was thinking of and that meant I was right. _So am I not alone?_

We didn’t say anything and continued our staring competition but both of us felt oddly comfortable with that. There was nothing needed to be said and the silence somehow made it easier to cope. “We can just both go in together,” he whispered offering me one of the syringes that was lying on the table. “Help each other out.”

My eyes widened slightly at that thought. “Aren’t you worried what might be in your fear landscape?” I asked furrowing my eyebrows. I knew I was. I knew what possibly could be in my simulation but you could never predict what your brain considered your greatest threat and what was defined as a minor fear.

“I have a pretty good idea of what’s in it,” he murmured filling the second syringe and handing it to me. I took it without questioning. “And so do you.”

I nodded remembering his time back in Erudite very well. I hoped the fears left him however apparently it wasn’t as easy as it seemed. I sat down on the chair and he sat next to me looking me deep in the eyes and I knew exactly what he meant. It was a silent plea, an unspoken favour, something he chose not to talk about. _Please don’t judge me._

I nodded as if answering his question and he proceeded with injecting me with the serum. It stung when he pierced the skin on my neck but the feeling that followed was more uncomfortable. When the serum started spreading around my body, I could feel it everywhere. It felt as if it was burning through my blood vessels and attacking me from the inside. However as soon as the feeling started, it stopped. I frowned surprised with the effects.

Eric then took another syringe and before he could plunge it into his neck I grabbed his hand and did it for him. He gave me another one of his meaningful looks. “Are you ready?” he asked with a slight note of fear in his voice.

“Yes,” I replied trying not to show the fear I had of _his_ fears…

 

I blinked and when I opened my eyes the entire world changed. We weren’t in the training room as we were before. For some reason the simulation took us to Erudite headquarters. I could recognise the building we were in because I visited it few times when I was back in Candor. It was Eric’s old house.

However that time, the usually fully furnished living room was completely empty and the walls felt as if they were closing on us. _Fear of confinement?_ Something didn’t feel quite right though and that made me question my rapid judgement. I glanced at Eric to see his reaction and his jaw was clenched but he was trying to contain himself. His entire posture changed and I realised I have never seen him _afraid._

Suddenly his look changed and his eyes fixed on something in front of us. I turned my head to see what changed his behaviour and my eyes widened in utter surprise. “Eric…” I whispered.

Right in front of us in the middle of the room stood a little girl with shoulder-length blond hair and a teddy bear under her shoulder. Her icy blue eyes were tearing and her rosy cheeks were wet from crying. I recognised her immediately. Her name was Lizzie and she was Eric’s baby sister.

“Eric,” she mumbled looking directly into his eyes. “Please, help…”

All of a sudden the floor behind her started to crack and the hole was getting bigger and bigger with each passing second. I held my breath seeing the edge of the dark chasm getting closer to Lizzie and glanced at Eric. “Fear of being powerless,” he explained standing still. He straightened his back and took a step forward. Suddenly two men appeared behind us and grabbed him by his shoulder making him unable to save his little sister. Their faces were blurry which indicated they simply represented Eric’s subconscious. “No matter what I do, they won’t let me get close to her,” he explained trying to free himself. He kept on looking at Lizzie with sad eyes that expressed helplessness. I turned to face her only in time to see her fall into the chasm and I inhaled sharply.

The simulation changed and we were back in the Dauntless compound, both of us breathing heavily. I glanced at him. “What were you expected to do?”

“Nothing,” he replied trying to regain his normal breathing pattern. “That’s the whole point. As Dauntless, you’re expected to cope with the loss of your family members.”

I closed my eyes and sighed. I wasn’t sure that would be one of my fears and I wondered what it said about me as a person. Of course I didn’t want to lose my father and brother but for some reason it wasn’t the priority of mine.

“So let’s see who’s better,” I heard someone say and furrowed my eyebrows recognising the voice. I turned around and saw Four standing in front of Eric with his hands prepared for fighting. I was more than confused especially when I noticed that Eric joined in with a smirk on his face. The two of them started sparring in an aggressive manner. Each of them was aiming punches at the other that they were effectively dodging every time. The fight could go on forever until Eric swiped his foot under Four’s and made him lose his balance. When Four was down, Eric aimed a strong punch at his face and successfully knocked him down. I hissed seeing that.

“Couldn’t let him be, could you?” I asked in disgust. I was sure it was some simple manly competition between them however to have a special spot in his fear landscape?

“No, otherwise I wouldn’t have overcome my fear,” he said walking away from Four and towards me. “Of being second.”

I frowned and everything became clear. Eric was obsessed with scoring high ranks even back in Erudite when the only scores we were receiving were grades. He couldn’t stand anyone being better than him. Back in school, it wasn’t such a problem due to his high intelligence however I could understand that things got more difficult in Dauntless.

The surroundings changed again and we were in Erudite again. However that time it was Jeanine Matthews’ office. I had never been in it myself but I could recognise it from the pictures in my father’s office where every faction leader was present. On the other hand, Eric looked as if he knew that place very well.

When the door opened, my assumption was confirmed. “Eric, I’m glad to see you again,” Jeanine spoke up smiling to Eric and moving towards her desk.

I glanced at Eric trying to find some explanation but he was too focused on Jeanine to see my pleading look. He stepped forward and nodded to her. I could see he was battling some inner demons of his so I decided to stay out of it. For the time being.

“So I expect you to be ready with the schedule,” she asked, her voice firm and dripping with venom. “The executions must be performed…”

“No,” Eric interrupted her with a strong voice. I observed the interaction with curiosity suddenly realising that it could have something to do with the affairs that Eric refused to tell me about few days back. On the other hand I hoped I was wrong because everything involving Jeanine usually wasn’t good.

“Oh, what was that?” she asked quite amused and looked at him with a smile.

“I’m not killing anyone innocent,” he repeated and then clenched his fists almost as if preparing for what was about to come. _He must have been through that sim before._

Indeed the room changed and we were in a black hallway with a woman kneeling in front of Eric with her hands tied behind her back. Her head was down so I couldn’t see her face. “Who is she?”

“Innocent,” he said and I realised that with the sim came a gun in his hand. “And I have to kill her.”

“Is that the fear?” I asked walking towards him. “Then what was that just before?”

“It’s the same thing,” he answered unlocking the gun and aiming it at the girl. “I don’t want to be turned into someone I’m not. However anytime I’m in this specific simulation there’s nothing I can do. Jeanine asks me to kill innocents, perform executions… it’s always something different. But each time, it’s the same pattern. I refuse and wind up here, having to kill her. And the only way out of here is shooting her.” Eric pointed at the girl in front of him. She looked up and kept her eyes fixed on him. She was just a girl with blond hair I had never seen before. And I could see neither had Eric. “However when I do that, the simulation stops and I go back to the beginning. Because I gave in to my fears.”

“Shoot yourself,” I suggested and I could sense his eyes dart away from the girl to me. I turned my face to look at him and his eyebrow was arched. He was giving me a confused look. “If your fear is being stripped of your morals, then killing yourself would prevent you from murdering her,” I explained.

He frowned and looked back at the girl. They were looking into each other’s eyes for a short while until Eric pointed the gun at his temple. He faced me and ordered: “Close your eyes.”

I did as told. I had no intentions of seeing his blood all around the place. Moreover in that moment I realised that I wasn’t exactly happy about seeing him die either. I knew it was just a simulation but the thought of him dying scared me deeply. I shut my eyes and held my breath. Then the shot came.

I kept my eyes closed unwilling to open them. I was also afraid of what I might see. I almost jumped when I felt a hand on my cheek. I opened my eyes and saw Eric smiling at me. “Thank you,” he said looking into my eyes. “I wouldn’t have come up with that without you.”

“I know,” I replied smiling back at him at which he chuckled and shook his head.

I looked around to see where we were and was surprised to see it was the pit in the Dauntless compound. However there was a strange metal grid in the middle of it and a group of people behind it but we couldn’t pass it.

“She betrayed Dauntless, she deserves to die,” I could hear Max say.

“Then let’s get on with it, shall we?” Shane responded happily. I could see only them and few of other Dauntless members. Someone was kneeling behind Shane but I couldn’t see that person’s face.

Lauren came closer to them. “I thought we’re friends,” she said sadly in the direction of the said person. “I’m really sorry.”

“She didn’t do anything,” Eric said next to me and I realised he wasn’t talking to them but to me. “They just want her dead because she poses a threat.”

“Who is that?” I asked and before I could receive a spoken answer, Shane moved so that I could see the person kneeling.

It was me.

I widened my eyes in shock and looked at Eric whose eyes were fixed on the situation taking place right in front of us. I looked back to see what was going to happen, just in time to see Max start kicking the sim version of me in the stomach. Eric grabbed the grid and squeezed it until the point when his knuckles whitened. The men in front of us kept on exchanging on who was the next to inflict pain on me. Eric was all tensed up next to me and looking to find a way around the grid.

“You’re afraid of losing me,” I breathed unsure if I was asking him or stating the obvious. Eric didn’t respond at first but when _I_ screamed from the pain his eyes shut and he turned to face me.

“It never stops” he said quietly and when he opened his eyes I could see the pain in them. “They just keep on torturing you and don’t stop until Max picks up a gun and aims it at your head. Unless I look at you die it never ends. Plus I never can,” he explained and darted his eyes back to the awful scene happening right in front of our eyes. “I know it’s not real but I can’t.”

I sighed deeply in surprise. First off, I would never assume losing me was in his fear landscape and secondly, he just admitted to being Divergent. However at that moment my main focus was helping him. “Just keep on thinking it’s not real but look.”

“I’m not sure I can,” he whispered and it was the most vulnerable I have ever seen him.

“Yes, you can,” I said walking towards him. I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around his torso clasping them on his chest. I placed my cheek on his back. “Anytime you’ll be in this sim, think about this moment. And remember it’s not real,” I whispered.

I could feel his heart beating like a hammer inside his chest. His entire body was tensed and his muscles felt like a stone. I tried to soothe him stroking his chest with my palms but it brought little to no effect. I could hear him whisper silently to himself a mantra that apparently helped him not lose his mind. _“It’s not real.”_

After a short while Max spoke again. “Let’s end this.” After that a shot followed along with Eric’s body freezing. I tightened my embrace on him. The simulation lasted for few more seconds and then it changed again. Eric exhaled deeply and I let him go. He knelt on the floor looking exhausted and was breathing heavily.

“Ready for some fun, son?” I jumped hearing the words and looked up. Eric’s father was walking towards him dragging a bat behind him. I froze not understanding what was happening and glanced at Eric who looked up at his father.

“My last fear,” he explained but didn’t move. He was paralysed even though I could see that every ounce of him was trying to fight against it.

“I don’t understand…”

“He heard the news of me transferring,” he whispered standing up shakily. His father kept coming closer to us.

“Let’s solve this kid,” he said smiling and I was disgusted with his fake kindness. “You know I don’t want to do this. Just stay home.”

Eric didn’t reply. He just stood there and looked at his father. I had not even the slightest idea of what might had been going through his head. I didn’t know what to say. I knew he had issues with his father but I never knew they involved a baseball bat. His father kept coming closer to us but his relaxed attitude changed and he picked the bat up. My eyes widened and Eric took a step back. I wondered what he could do in that specific simulation. Attack his father? Defend himself? Or just let him go?

Suddenly his father swung the bat ready to hit him and without thinking of possible consequences I jumped in front of Eric who at first barely registered my movements. However when he saw what I had done he reacted immediately by pushing me away and dodging his father’s attack. The bat fell to the ground and broke into two pieces. His father gave him a pleading look of defeat. Eric swallowed but aimed a punch at his face and that made the simulation end…

…And we landed in a huge body of water. The ocean was on all our sides with no land in our sight. My pulse quickened and I started breathing heavily.

We were in _my_ fear landscape.

I started to look around frantically in hopes of finding something that we could go on top of but nothing was floating on the water which made me start to feel anxious.

“Are you afraid of water?” Eric asked and I turned around to face him with terror. I completely forgot his presence due to my distraction in the shape of icy blue water.

“No,” I replied spitting some water out and trying to remain calm. “Just unescapable bodies of water.”

“Just relax and you’ll be fine,” he said swimming closer to me. “Think.”

I frowned at him. _Great advice._ I tried to follow it but I simply couldn’t do anything about our current situation. There was nothing around that we could grab or use as a prototype of a boat. My Divergent brain kept telling me that it wasn’t real and consequently that there was no real reason to be afraid but I couldn’t do that. I needed to learn how to solve it without revealing the truth about myself.

Eric must had noticed me pondering deeply since he looked at me carefully. “You need to come up with a logical solution,” he said as if I didn’t know that. “Something that a _Dauntless_ would do.”

I glanced at his realising what he meant. Something that a Dauntless not Divergent would do. _Alright, think, you’re one third Erudite._

I looked around again assessing our surroundings once more and I felt helpless. I felt as if Eric was much faster at coping with his fears than me. I had no idea what to do next. If only we could swim out of there…

 _That’s it,_ I thought. I took a deep breath and dived under the water. I didn’t look if Eric followed me because I knew he would so instead I focused on keeping my eyes open and kept diving further down. Somehow the furthest from the surface we got, the better I felt and my heart slowed down. After few more metres the water became pitch black and swirled around me. Then I was transferred back to the railways that led to the Dauntless compound and was surprised to see I wasn’t wet at all. I was breathing heavily but smiled in victory.

“That’s pretty good but there was a bench few metres away from us,” Eric commented standing next to me. I frowned. “You could’ve just grabbed it.”

“Nothing was there,” I disagreed sounding like an angry child who was more confused that initially intended.

“Yes, there was,” he replied grinning at me. “Your fears paralyse you. You don’t see what’s around. Think about that the next time.”

I glared at him angrily. Of course they paralysed me - that was why they were called fears. I chose not to fight with him and instead looked around again hoping to see something that indicated what was about to happen.

Just as my eyes turned I saw a huge ranking table in front of us where every initiates’ name was written on. Except mine was under the line, in red. I swallowed hard not understanding what was happening but feeling afraid nonetheless. Then a train appeared and passed us with a loud noise and a wave of air hit me making me lose my balance. In spite of the speed of the train, I could see who was on it. Everyone from Dauntless that I met during my stay there. In the brief moment my eyes locked with few of them and I understood what that sim represented. _Fear of failure._

_  
_

Without bothering to explain what was happening to Eric, I started running refusing to let that train escape me. I sped up as fast as I could and in spite of my body giving up on me I kept on going. When I reached the metal door that were open I used the little strength I had left to grab it and pull myself up onto the train and in the exact moment I made it, the simulation changed again.

I was in the Dauntless compound and I had a gun in my hand. There was a boy kneeling in front of me. His hair were dark blond and I had a familiar feeling when looking as him. I knew him… My fingers tightened on the gun and I swallowed hard when he looked up at me. It was Lincoln.

“You’re Dauntless now,” he said. His hands were tied behind his back and his eyes were empty of any emotions but they still had their kindness. “You need to make difficult decisions.”

“I don’t understand…” I whispered looking at him pleading.

“You need to kill him,” Eric said walking up from behind me.

“I can’t,” I refused shaking my head and putting the gun down but keeping it in my hand. “I’d rather kill myself.”

“That’s not what this sim is about,” he replied standing next to me. “You’re afraid of taking a life. You need to do it.”

“You didn’t,” I reminded him not letting my eyes off Lincoln.

“That was different,” Eric shook his head and placed a hand on mine.

I sighed deeply and realised he was right. Dauntless was about making difficult decisions and sometimes I wouldn’t agree yet I would have to follow the orders anyway. I aimed the gun at Lincoln’s head and he kept his eyes fixed on me. I felt a gulp forming in my throat and I wasn’t sure if I could pull the trigger. “You don’t have to look,” Eric suggested letting go of my hand and taking a step back. I took his advice and turned my head to the side and closed my eyes. Even though I knew it was just a sim, I couldn’t help but think – _Please forgive me._

And I pulled the trigger.

The simulation changed again, surprisingly back to some room I’ve never seen before. It seemed comfortable due to a large soft bed in the middle of it but yet the atmosphere felt odd for me. I looked around and saw nothing that would help me realise what that landscape was meant to represent. All of a sudden, someone entered the room and I saw Eric smiling at me cockily. I frowned and looked beside me realising that the _real_ Eric was standing next to me with a confused face expression. However he wasn’t as confused as I was. _Am I afraid of Eric?_ I knew I wasn’t therefore I didn’t know what to think of it.

“Hey baby,” _Eric_ said coming closer to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. Eric, who came there with me, moved to the side with an intrigued face expression and observed the action. “I missed you.”

I smiled in return not knowing what else to do. “Me too,” I replied hugging him back. I wasn’t afraid of him or physical closeness between us, for that matter since it happened before and I never felt the need to worry about that. I knew I was afraid of getting emotionally close to people but that fear excluded Eric therefore I kept wondering what would happen next.

Eric’s smile faded and his grip on me tightened. I furrowed my eyebrows and placed my hands on his chest trying to push him away. “Eric, what are you…”

“Why are you being like that, babe?” he asked. His voice wasn’t kind or even normal anymore. It was filled with anger and _violence._ “Why do you keep doing this to me?”

“Doing – what?” I asked trying to free myself from his suffocating grip. Then one of his hands found its way to my throat and gripped me tightly making me gasp.

“I wish you didn’t do it,” he replied and I realised he wasn’t listening to my questions at all, almost as if he ignored my explanations because he wanted to cause me _pain._

Almost as a confirmation for my words he let me go and hit me really hard on my cheek which made me fall on the bed that was right behind me. I could hear my Eric hiss beside me but he chose not to intervene letting me handle the situation alone. I tried to pick myself up but the shock of what just happened left me dizzy.

The man that definitely couldn’t be Eric but looked like him nonetheless came closer to me and grabbed my ankle. He pulled me over the edge of the bed and aimed another punch however that time I was able to dodge it. “You know, it would go a lot faster if you just let it happen.” He smiled devilishly and I felt the most scared I had ever been in my entire life. I knew it was just a simulation but Eric was the only person I trusted with my life and I never anticipated he could hurt me. _At least not physically._

He tried another punch, that time aiming at my side which I couldn’t avoid. I hissed in pain and tried to push him away from me but he was too strong. I needed to break free. The feeling of him coming closer above me and the inability to predict where his next punch was going to hit made me sick. Moreover seeing his face pleased with the pain and terror he was inflicting on me added to my fear. Out of all the simulations I experienced that day, the one I was in at that precise moment was the worst.

I decided to give up on trying to talk him out of it and simply started attacking him as well. I needed that to stop. I tried to remember all the training I had and given the fact that he was above me and my legs were between his, I used my knee to kick him precisely in between his legs. That took him by surprise and he rolled to the side. Then I used one of my arms to keep him down and stood up as quickly as I could. When he finally pulled himself up, I wasted no more second and punched him right in the face and sent him back on the bed.

The simulation ended in that exact moment and I jumped away from the armchair I was on as soon as I opened my eyes. We were back in the Dauntless simulation room and I was breathing heavily in spite of being safe from my fears. I leaned against the wall as far away from Eric as I could. He kept looking at me without saying anything and I could only imagine what was going through his mind. After few moments he decided to be the first one to break the silence. “Are you afraid of me?” His voice was disappointed, surprised, confused and _worried._

“No,” I replied quickly which was obviously untrue considering what we had both just seen however I truly believed that. “I’m really not.”

“Then what was that?” he asked and before I was able to reply, he added. “Because I would never hurt you, Natalie, ever. I would never hit any women, for that matter but especially you.”

“I know,” I whispered looking directly into his eyes hoping to convince him that I knew it very well. “I just…”

“You just what?”

“You’ve changed here,” I said quietly, barely audibly and his eyes widened. “Not that I think you’re capable of inflicting pain on me because of that but… The anger I’ve seen in your eyes few days back, and the secrets you’ve been keeping… I just don’t know what to think. I don’t think that fear means that I’m afraid of you physically but of who you’re becoming.”

He looked at me for a while processing what I just said and then sighed heavily getting up from the chair. “Natalie, I am not turning into a monster. I’m still the same person you’ve met before our choosing ceremony. I am simply trying to adapt to the new rules around here. And the secrets… it’s for your…”

“Safety, I know,” I mumbled not believing in that excuse. He rubbed his forehand with his hand and walked up to me observing what my reaction would be. “I’m not afraid, Eric. I mean it,” I assured him seeing his hesitance.

He knelt in front of me and placed his hands on each side of my knees. “I would never let anyone hurt you let alone do it myself,” he breathed looking deep into my eyes. I could see sincerity in his steely eyes. He meant every word of it. “I admit, I discovered things about myself I never knew existed but I’m not bad. At least I hope so. I know I might seem ruthless and violent but I don’t want to be like that towards you. I hope I’m not.”

“You’re not,” I mouthed and shook my head slowly.

“Then please, believe me when I say that the things I’m hiding from you are truly for your best,” he begged moving his head closer to mine. “You could see I was afraid of breaking my morals and losing you. I would never risk any of that for anything. I hope you know that.” After I nodded again and he smiled sadly to me and placed his hand on my cheek. “Natalie, my love, I care for you and I always will. I love you.”


	8. Don't Give Up Just Yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I told you I would write more often and hear I am, posting the next chapter later than usually... So typical of me... I had little inspiration the last week but for some reason I'm in a really good writing mood now so I've written a lot ahead. be prepared!
> 
> Enjoy!

Candor doesn’t really teach you how to deal with emotions and feelings that are so powerful that they make you feel sick. Their only solution is to speak the truth but since the transfer I was finding it more and more difficult. I couldn’t comprehend whether it was due to me trying to adapt or because I was simply forgetting where I was from. Either way the truth didn’t seem like an option for me anymore. Not in Dauntless. And not with Eric.

After he confessed his feelings, what did I do? I stood up, told him I wasn’t feeling well and then left! That was some bravery right there. Why, when the man I loved confessed he did in fact love me as well, did I run away? I couldn’t find an answer to that question and I was more than convinced it didn’t exist. I was damaged in one way or another. That was the only explanation.

Eric, on the other hand, seemed neither hurt nor particularly bothered by my lack or response. Perhaps he was expecting that from me or he didn’t care. My thoughts were jumping from conclusion to conclusion and I knew very well it wasn’t wise. However I couldn’t help myself. That was my defence mechanism that proved to fail by the way. I made a mental note to find a new one later on.

“Today stage three starts and it is by far the most difficult one you’ve encounter,” Shane started filling us in on the plan of the new training during our morning assembly. I looked around trying to find Eric but couldn’t see him anywhere. I frowned wondering where he was. “If you think the physical one is the most dangerous then you better brace yourself for so much worse.”

Lincoln, who was standing next to Shane and listening to his monologue that no one dared to break, took a step forward and cleared his throat. “This stage is about conquering your fears,” he explained in a much more approachable tone which made every initiate truly listen to him. “You need to face them in order to be able to become stronger and wiser. To do that we will put you under simulation that would show you your personalised fear landscape. It is a collection of all the top fears you have.”

“Passing this stage is crucial to becoming members so keep that in mind when you cry after seeing spiders in your sim,” Shane added and Lincoln glared at him.

“Think about becoming braver and overcoming obstacles rather than some stupid ranking,” he advised looking back at us.

“Oh yes, of course, do that,” Shane mocked him waving his hands frantically. “And what’s going to be your wise advice for them after they fail?”

"Let me remind you that the initiation is about achievements and overcoming your fears more than some stupid scoreboard,” Lincoln turned to face Shane in a clearly angered manner. I had never seen him angry. _Oh boy._ “Perhaps you forgot that.”

“Tell that to your friend who didn’t make the cut,” Shane grinned and patted Lincoln’s shoulder at which he instantly clenched his fists. “Initiation was tough on her, wasn’t it?”

In that instant, Lincoln was ready to aim a punch at his face and Shane was about to dodge when someone yelled. “Hey!” All of us, except for the furious two, turned to see who decided to react. “Stop it now!”

Lincoln took a step back shaking Shane’s hand off angrily. The person who dared to break their manly competition, one of the four Dauntless leaders, Lauren, walked up to them confidently. “What is wrong with the two of you?”

“Not my fault,” Lincoln hissed and turned around facing us. “The only way you can prepare for the initiation is if you prepare your mentality. You don’t need muscles now. Save that for later.” His eyes locked with mine and he held the gaze. I asked an unspoken question. _Who was Shane talking about?_ I knew Lincoln wouldn’t tell me. I received my confirmation when he turned around and left the room along with Lauren and Shane.

I didn’t remember any girl transferring with him from Candor, at least one that he was close with. I frowned trying to remember who could have such an important spot in his heart. The thought that I was simply trying to forget the awful talk I had with Eric yesterday didn’t even cross my mind and I kept wondering who my friend had been in love with.

After Shane exchanged few angered glares with Lauren, he left the room right after Lincoln. Lauren smiled to us, wished us good luck and followed after them sighing deeply. I didn’t know what was going on therefore I made a note to myself to ask Lincoln about that incident later on.

After that feral event, we were asked to show up in front of the simulation rooms. All of us were sat on the chairs and one by one we were invited inside. There were two rooms, one with Lincoln performing the simulation and the other with Shane. I begged the heavens not to end up with Shane because I could as well kill myself right there and then.

I was sitting opposite Eric and we kept our eyes fixed on each other. I could clearly see his posture and body change daily which was remarkable. He was getting stronger and bigger and compared to what he looked like back in Erudite, he was a completely different person. His facial features became more masculine and he grew up appearance-wise. His grey eyes were fixed on my face and in my opinion he didn’t even blink. He had some five o-clock shadow due to the lack of any shaving equipment. All the initiates had it considering I was the only female amongst them.

I knew what was on his mind though. We could all be exposed right in the spot. One of us was probably going to get Shane given that he hates us both. There was a slim chance Four was going to get him as well but that didn’t make me feel any better since I had some suspicious about him too. I didn’t know if it was just my mind playing tricks on me and wanting to find others like me or was there something real going on with young Eaton boy.

“Eric,” Shane said opening the door.

“Lee,” Lincoln joined right in.

We both looked at each other thoughtfully and he gave me a distinct nod which I returned. We stood up and headed into separate rooms. Lincoln shut the door and didn’t look at me at all. He was probably still angered by what happened earlier on in the training room.

“Are you okay?” I offered trying to ease his tension.

“Perfect,” he responded still not even glancing at me. I frowned but decided not to push him further. In fact he owned me no explanation after I drunkenly tried to rape him. “Sit down.”     I did as told and sat down on the recliner. I knew what was about to come so I braced myself for an injection in my neck. “I hope the preparation helped,” he said when he finally walked towards me and looked into my eyes. He brought the needle closer to my needle and injected me with the serum. I hissed slightly but didn’t flinch.

“It did, thank you,” I answered.

“Good,” he replied walking back to the machine. “Be brave, Lee.”

I drifted into the simulation, right into my deeply hidden fears…

 

After the first simulation, I started walking back to the initiates’ room. I was drained and scared of what Lincoln could possibly see in it but by the looks of it, I doubted he took any notice to anything abnormal. However I was afraid of my safety anyway.

I walked quickly and at quite the speed since I didn’t want to be stopped by anyone but my attempts failed miserably when I heard someone call my name. I turned around to see who it was and was surprised to see Lauren walking up to me with a wide smile. “Hey, how’s it going?” she asked and I frowned.

“Okay… I guess,” I responded hesitantly due to my lack of understanding simply why she cared at all.

She must had noticed my confusion since she laughed and her smile widened even more. “I’m just curious how you’re doing. The third stage is always the worst. Until you get to the fourth one that is,” she corrected herself visibly remembering her own initiation.

“Were you a transfer?” I asked and waited to see if it was a good idea. However she looked up at me and nodded.

"Yeah,” she answered and eyed me for a long moment until she spoke up again. “I was born into Amity.”

My expression had to be as shocked as I was because she let out a small chuckle and leaned against the wall. ”Yeah, I know. It always comes as a surprise.”

“Why did you transfer from peace to violence basically?” I asked standing next to her. I was truly interested in what could possibly motivate her to do such a thing.

She sighed and looked up at the dark ceiling. “Well, I never felt like I fit in,” she explained rubbing her forehead with her palm. “I’ve always wanted something more, some adventure. I remember seeing Dauntless kids running around and soldiers guarding the fence and I have always admired them greatly. My family knew I was going to transfer since I was about six so they were never really surprised.”

“Do you still see them sometimes?” I asked quietly in hopes that her answer would be positive and it would indicate that I would see mine as well.

“I used to but not anymore,” she replied and I froze inside. “They don’t like showing up here in Dauntless very much. The last time we saw each other was a year ago close to the fence,” Lauren added and looked at me. “I can’t blame them actually. I mean I get it. It’s not their atmosphere.”

I nodded understanding what she meant. Amity would never _hate_ anyone but it could be said that they despised Dauntless for its violent and ruthless approach. They were the opposites of one another in all possible ways. Amity wanted to live their life peacefully while Dauntless were jumping from buildings, the farmers wanted silence and steady life whereas the crazy soldiers needed adrenaline to survive. It was an endless cycle of antonyms.

"I also doubt my father will visit me,” I admitted looking down at my palms. “I get it as well, he’s the leader of a different faction but I wished he come.”

“He will,” Lauren simply replied much to my surprise. I looked at her furrowing my eyebrows and she smiled. “He asked about you, you know. All of the leaders meet once in every few months and that happened couple of days ago. He asked how you were doing.”

My eyes widened and my heart fluttered. “Did he say anything else?” I asked desperately trying to find out how he was doing.

“Not much. I told him you were one of the best and that you’re going to make it,” she said and the looked at me carefully. “But don’t tell anyone I told you that.” I nodded but smiled deep inside and she continued. “He looked quite worried and tired which is understandable since he lost both of his children. Your brother transferred as well, right?”

I nodded in response. “Erudite.”

Lauren snorted. “Great faction,” she commented. “However you probably disagree with me, don’t you?”

I narrowed my eyes at her suggestion. “Why would you say so?”

“You’re falling for an ex-Erudite,” she replied and my anger started rising rapidly. “Or perhaps you’ve already fallen for him before you transferred but that’s none of my business.”

“I don’t know what you’re referring to,” I answered trying to sound truthful but failed.

"Don’t lie,” Lauren arched an eyebrow at me and chuckled. “You and Eric seem to be getting along just fine.”

I snorted in reply shaking my head. “Clearly you’re not talking about us because if we could, we would rip each other’s throats.”

“That’s called sexual tension, my dear,” she offered and I frowned. That made her laugh and she patted my on my back. “Look, I know relationships down here can be difficult but don’t give up just yet. Especially if you have feelings for him.”

“How would you know about relationships?” I asked meaner than I meant to. “You’re single, aren’t you?”

She didn’t get offended though and simply laughed. “I am currently dating Max the Leader if you must know, so I guess I know plenty,” she answered and I was shocked.

“Max?” I asked in disbelief. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know…”

“It’s alright,” she waved her hand at me. “It’s not like everybody knows. We’re not sharing with a lot of people. But I thought you might use that information for your own purposes,” she explained. “Max used to be like Eric when he was younger. He would fight with everyone and be violent but he had a heart of gold. Sounds similar, doesn’t it?” I nodded smiling and she went on. “We had our rough paths but the key is to keep trying. You might think the initiation changed him and that he’s not the same person anymore but, while that might be partially true, he cares. That’s obvious. Cut him some slack.”

I snorted. “What about me?” I asked crossing my arms on my chest. “I need some things as well. I want to know he’s being serious and with Eric there’s a distinct possibility that after a random argument he might go to hook up with someone else.”

“I doubt that would happen,” she replied shaking her head. “Like I said, he cares. He might talk to talk, but at the end of the day, he’s all yours.”

“I hope your right because we kind of had a major argument,” I whispered and when she sent a questioning stare at me and I added. “He said he loved me.”

Lauren laughed pure laughter and I frowned at her in confusion. It was not funny at all and I needed understanding as opposed to mockery. “I’m sorry,” she said after calming herself down. “But that’s something every girl wants to hear and you argued about that?”

“I didn’t know what to say,” I admitted shyly. “It’s not like I don’t love him but I just… I don’t even know.”

“Give it time, it’ll work out,” she comforted me giving my shoulder a tight squeeze. She pushed herself off the wall and smiled at me. “I gotta go, work stuff to do. But anytime you want to talk, you can come and find me,” she offered and I smiled.

“Thank you, really,” I replied gratefully. I didn’t even realise I needed something like that. I was never open with anyone about my emotions and feeling but somehow it was easier with someone who didn’t know you. I felt at ease telling her what was bothering me as opposed to someone whose opinion mattered to me. Like Eric for instance.

She walked off and sat down in the exact spot I was standing contemplating my life. In spite of feeling like Dauntless was my home, I still wasn’t sure it was the right choice for me. I could be killed due to my Divergence. I could end up being factionless because of failing the initiation. I could be cut off for some other silly reason. However, to be honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way because I didn’t fit in Candor, just like Lauren didn’t fit in Amity. Sometimes you are born into the wrong faction and you don’t _defect._ You simply look for your home.


	9. New Job... New Apartment?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at promises... I honestly wrote more chapters but had no time to post it! I am really sorry if anyone is truly following this. I will be more consistent from now on since I'm on vacation and I can finally give in to my writing completely.
> 
> Enjoy this chapter and the next ones that are coming SOON (I swear now!) and have a great summer guys!

The results were announced few days later, clearly to make everyone jumpy with terror. They could kick us out at any given moment for almost anything we did. The thought was scary but also in some way motivational. You knew you had no other way than to prove you’re worthy of the spot amongst the Dauntless members and that was an effective form of making everyone do their best. However the results weren’t perfect and promising for everyone…

“Everyone who’s below the red line is out,” Lincoln spoke up when all of the initiates gathered in the training room. “Affected immediately.”

People kept pushing each other so that they could see the scoreboard. My height clearly wasn’t helpful so I needed to push forward more than anyone else to see the results and whether I should pack my bag and head out or if I was allowed to stay. When I finally made my way towards the scoreboard I froze in terror.

My name wasn’t below the red line. In fact, I was ranked third. I couldn’t believe my eyes and I glanced at Lincoln few times to see if maybe it was another test or a way to mess with us some more but he seemed quite serious so I continued to stare at the results in shock. Few of the initiates congratulated me and said they were happy but the rest wanted me dead and I understood that completely. Especially the ones below the line. I knew I would feel the same way if I was out but fortunately I didn’t need to find any of that out.

I looked up the board to see the first two names and, obviously, Four and Eric. What I found interesting was the fact that Eric was the second and not the first. They would kill each other after everyone would leave and I was sure of it. Eric had an obsession with being the best and honestly couldn’t help it. Especially when the results insinuated he wasn’t as strong as someone from Abnegation. He couldn’t allow himself to have that happen.

Luckily for Four, no one was allowed to remain in the training room and we had the afternoon off to do whatever we wanted. I hoped for both of my friends’ sake that they would abandon any ideas of settling the matter of who was better at everything on their own since I was pretty convinced it would mean their end in Dauntless.

I would stay with them and prevent that from happening but I had more important things to take care of, as I was informed by Lincoln after the results were announced.

When you get asked by the most important Dauntless leader to meet in his office, you know you screwed up.

I was walking through the hallways scolding myself in my thoughts for being stupid enough to anger him even though I had no clue what I could possibly do. I revisited in my mind everything I had done since I joined Dauntless and nothing especially dangerous or provocative came up. I knew I had a smart mouth, I had been told so few times in my life, but I stopped sharing my radical opinions on everyday basis and with everyone. Sometimes I slipped but I tried to have more control over it those days.

That was why I had no clue what Max wanted to talk with me about. Was I out? No, I just passed the initiation. He couldn’t let me go with no reason at all. He had to have a reason. What reason could he have though?

When I got to his office I stood awkwardly for a while and started at the black metal, as if it could tell me what to do. I sighed deeply and closed my eyes.

“You know you can get inside, right?” I heard someone say behind me and I almost jumped in surprise. I turned around and saw Lauren, another one of the three Dauntless leaders. She chuckled seeing my reaction. “Be not afraid. I thought they taught you how to conquer your fears.”

“Yeah, but the training didn’t involve learning how to deal with the terrifying leaders,” I mumbled and she smiled. I liked her very much. She was honest.

“Max is not that scary,” she retorted and I snorted.

“Easy for you to say, you guys are dating,” I said and then froze. _Shit._ I was not supposed to say things like that to her! What was wrong with me? I prepared for my death even before entering Max’s office but she only laughed.

“Candor hasn’t left you, has it?” she asked and arched an eyebrow at me. “True, we’re _dating._ Essentially we’re married but you weren’t invited here to be punished so quit worrying. It’s more like a reward.”

I stared at her with eyes wide opened. I didn’t know which information to focus on more; the fact Max and she were, in fact, married or the reward part.

“And I could say the same thing about you and Eric,” she added and smiled cockily at me. “You know, the ‘easy for you to say’ part.”

I frowned. “I don’t think I understand…”

“Oh I think you do,” she interrupted and gestured towards the office. “You should get inside. He’s waiting.”

I looked back at the door choosing to ignore our intriguing conversation. I sighed deeply and nodded with determination. I heard a ‘come in’ from the inside and with a last glance at Lauren I entered the office.

It was just how I pictured it. Typically Dauntless. White walls and minimalistic decoration. The colours, black and white, reminded me slightly of Candor. _The truth is always black and white._ The time spent in Dauntless made me realise that it wasn’t always true…

”Good morning, Ms Coleman,” Max smiled to me warmly. His brown eyes, however, told me that he wasn’t about to make friends – it was simply a business deal for him. It didn’t matter to me, so I decided to politely smile back. He gestured towards his desk and two armchairs. “Please, have a seat.”

“Thank you. And I’d prefer if you called me Lee. That’s my name now,” I replied kindly sitting at the chair meant for visitors in his office.

He chuckled and nodded with clear understanding expressed on his face. After all, it was his rules that allowed people to change their names. “Of course, I understand. Everyone has past they’re escaping from.”

I arched my eyebrow seeing something in his eyes that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. “Do you?”

He furrowed his eyebrows at me and for a split second I regretted asking that question. He was my leader, perhaps I shouldn’t. However he didn’t seem to mind. “Well, I was born in Dauntless and never transferred. My past wasn’t that bad, I guess,” he explained.

“Or perhaps since you are a Dauntless-born, you’re trained to defeat your demons and your past can’t get to you,” I suggested an alternate reason behind his lack of drama in the past. Everybody had terrible experiences in their life. It could be something trivial and petty but nonetheless it existed. On the other hand, I understood why even if the tragedies existed he chose not to share them with me or even mention them. We barely knew each other and it would be a truly odd thing for him to confide in me.

“Perhaps,” he pondered looking behind me but then darted his eyes back to me. “But that’s not why I asked you here. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

That had gotten my full attention but also made me slightly afraid again. _I passed the training, what could he want from me?_ “What about?”

Max leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands together on his knees. “It has come to my attention that you were excelling in your training. All of the training officers agreed that you showed remarkable physical abilities as well as emotional strength that is well required in Dauntless members.”

I was stunned by that information. I doubted any of the leaders would say anything nice about me. Maybe except for Lincoln but that would be only friendliness of his, not actual assessment of my skills. Shane, for instance, hated me with passion and no one could tell me otherwise. Lauren, perhaps, had a neutral attitude but we never exchanged any words explicitly to one another. Therefore I found that information strange. “Thank you,” I replied nodding my head. “But isn’t that the purpose of the training we go through?”

“Yes, however many don’t possess such qualities even after passing the training. That’s why, upon consultation with other Dauntless leaders, I am officially offering you a position in the Dauntless leadership,” he said and I widened my eyes in surprise.

“Sir, are you serious?” I asked before realising how comically it must had sounded.

“Yes, I’m quite serious,” he answered clearly amused but didn’t mind my silliness for which I was thankful. Upon saying that, he frowned at me. “Please don’t tell me you’re refusing.”

“No, of course not!” I replied quickly and then added more calmly and professionally. “I’m honoured and I accept, gladly.”

“Perfect,” Max said and clapped his hands together. “Congratulations then. You will be briefed by one of the leaders on your responsibilities and you’ll be given your own personal room.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank _you,_ ” he repeated my words emphasising the last part. “In the past years, Dauntless used to have more leaders, but in recent rounds of initiates no one happened to be worthy. Therefore right now, with two additions from your share of initiates, we have five.”

I narrowed my eyes. _Interesting… “_ Who else did you promote?”

“Eric.”

“Of course,” I said quietly trying not to sound disappointed. I was happy for him but with our recent arguments and inability to communicate, I assumed our work together would be difficult, to say the least.

Max laughed at my comment and stood up from his chair. I followed. “I’ve also offered the position to Four however he refused. Such a shame…” he added and seemed truly saddened by that fact. I was surprised Four would refuse but, on the other, hand it made sense to me. Being a Dauntless leader involved meeting other factions’ leaders, which meant meeting his father. I knew very well that wasn’t something he was keen on doing. “Well thank you and Lauren will show you around.”

“Thank you,” I repeated again and shook his extended hand. He opened the door for me and I saw that Lauren was already waiting there leaning against the wall.

She gave Max a warm smile to which he responded in the same way and shut the door. For some reason, I found the kind exchange between them slightly unrealistic. No one in Dauntless was kind. “Welcome in the Dauntless leadership,” Lauren congratulated me before we started to walk. I observed her carefully given the chance since I didn’t see her much during our training. She had shoulder-length dark blond hair that were curled up at the ends. She was slightly curvier than any other girl I had seen in Dauntless, but I knew very well she was probably the strongest. She didn’t have any visible tattoos which I found surprising considering I heard she had been in Dauntless for some time. Perhaps she chose a bit more secretive spots for her tattoos…

“Thanks.”

“You’ll do well. I know you will,” she added but I couldn’t see her face expression due to the fact that she was walking in front of me.

“How?” I asked confused at that day’s kindness I received.

“Lincoln speaks highly of you,” she explained while slowing down so that we were walking shoulder to shoulder. “Plus Shane seems to take quite a liking to you.”

I snorted at the last one. “Ha that’s funny considering he tried to kill me back in the initiation.”

She chuckled but nodded in understanding. “He’s a tough man to like.”

“Yeah…”

After a short walk, we stopped and she motioned towards a door. “So, here’s your room.” She opened the door and let me in first. “It’s not huge but it has everything you might need. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask.”

I looked around. True, the space wasn’t enormous but compared to the initiates sleeping chamber it was heaven. It had all the essentials which included a small kitchen, a bathroom and a huge bed that I honestly couldn’t wait to get into. It seemed incredibly comfortable. The room was also very light since it had huge windows taking up one whole wall. They also came with blinds which probably would be useful with the early sunrises.

“Actually I have one.” I turned around to face her. “Is the entire floor for the Dauntless leader or members as well?”

“No, it’s just for leaders,” she replied placing a set of keys on the kitchen counter. “Members have lower floors. On this floor it’s only you and Lincoln. Above you there’s Eric’s room and next to his mine. That’s how it goes further up.

“Alright, thank you,” I said smiling.

“No problem. Are you set to go?”

“Yeah. I don’t really have any things to unpack so…”

“I know…,” she sighed clearly understanding my feelings. She must had them before as well. “But you’ll get some in time, don’t worry. Maybe we’re not sentimental, here, in Dauntless but we do keep things in our rooms. You can have anything you want. Mirrors, books, diaries, mediation books…”

I chuckled at her, understanding her message. One item for each of the factions. “Hilarious...”

“Yeah, I know, I’m funny like that,” she commented patting the top of the table that stood next to the door. “Hope you’ll enjoy. You know where to find me,” she added motioning with her hands to her room that was above mine.

“Thanks.”

“You got it.”

There goes the rest of my life.


End file.
